Yo - The Top Five Feelings at Work
Thursday, December 16, 2010 at 10:24AM 
Cliff Lee has nothing on Rocky
I am declaring today to be Sly Stallone Day.
Before I get started on the blog I wanted to take time out to discuss the picture above. First, how awesome is that? Second, my friend Jimmy sent it to me with the thought of potentially using it in a blog. He sent it to the whole Team Waltsense – which consists of Walt, Kevin and Mark.
This was the email exchange (and it made my whole week):
Jimmy – I thought you could use this picture for waltsense.
Mark – LOL! Who is that guy?
Jimmy – It is Philadelphia’s greatest sports figure – Rocky
Walt’s response to Mark’s question - Is that Sylvester Stallone? I bet he stuffs his pants…
Mark – Why doesn’t he have clothes on??
Jimmy – He is getting the morning paper, why would he have clothes on?
Walt’s response to Mark’s question – Mark, You don’t need to ask that question. You just need to thank him for sharing that body with you. You’re Welcome America!!!
I was cracking up laughing at work and I sit in a cramped conference room with about 10 other people, so it got real uncomfortable.
This is a great series of questions though. I did mention to the boys that if you spend $28.50 on a black Speedo, you damn well better wear it! What better way to start your day than to wake up, look out of your window and see a road full of paparazzi – then noticing that your Sunday paper had been delivered.
You look around the room for something to put on. You need to put on something quick to retrieve the paper and get back to drink your morning cup of coffee and read the latest reviews on your latest shitty movie.
You scurry through your closet and think the follow:
1) A robe – nah that is too cliché.
2) Jean and a T-Shirt – that is too James Dean.
3) Matching valor Sweat pants and jacket – Nah that is too gay.
Then it hits you – BOOM – I got it. That super black Speedo I have been dying to wear in public. BAM – Let me go get a large white sock to stuff in the front to make my junk look better.
First I have to mold the sock so it looks like a large, limp penis. (Staring at yourself in the mirror) yeah, that works! As Buffalo Bill once said “I’d fuck me.”
Sylvester, you slay me!!!
As I was wiping the tears and the snots from my face – it got me to thinking. What are the best feelings that you get away with at work?
Here is Walt’s list:
1) Calling Out Sick – This list may all actually be number 1’s; it was really tough to differentiate. Is there a better feeling towards work than waking up staring at the clock and thinking to yourself – There is no f’ing way I am getting out of bed right now. You slowly reach over and grab your cell phone and dial that number up and put on your best ‘sick’ voice. We have all been there. That is a classic voice! Then you roll over and call it a day. You get to catch up on Jerry Springer and re-runs of Hogan’s Heroes. It is magical! This actually increases tenfold when you actually get to work, realize that you hate being there THEN come up with the idea to head home sick. As you pack up your things ALL of your coworkers are looking over at you in complete jealousy. It is tough to not break out into song and dance as you walk out. You have to actually hide your smile. Again, it is magical. 
2) Farting in a packed room and blaming it on someone else – I don’t even have to explain this one. The louder the fart – the more impressive the maneuver. Just let it go, try and not have your face turn red and simply nod your head to the person sitting next to you to divert the attention to that person. There are bonus points if the person you blame is a woman.
3) Flying Under the Radar and getting commended for it – This is a hard one and I believe people are born with this ability and it cannot be taught. My friends are MASTERS at this. I marvel in their ability to do absolutely nothing and somehow get recognized as hard workers. (You know who you are.) Someone has to do the work, it doesn’t have to be you, just make sure you get the credit for it!! Don’t volunteer for anything and always leave your coworkers wanting more. It is the creed of the lazy.
4) Resigning – Is there a better feeling than resigning. This one and the next one go hand in hand.
5) Tell the people you work with what you really think – This is great for the resignee, not so much for the people you are leaving behind. I won’t even get into specifics – but we have all been to the point where we think one thing but act another. This is your chance to really tell people what you think with very little ramification.
Have a great day people!!!
Humor, Philadelphia, work 
