Ranking the Worst Group of Drivers

If I were Barack Obama, I would be celebrating the shit out of President’s Day.  I would wake up and instantly put on one of those cone shaped birthday hats and pop a noise maker (maybe a kazoo) into my mouth. 

I would expect the first lady to make me a cake, and I would sing “Happy Me Day” songs.

I would make my staff pick up the slack left by me, for I wouldn’t work on the day set aside to remember me.  I would make them carry me on a chariot to every meeting, and fan me with one of those big wicker fans and feed me grapes during the down time of the meeting. 

I would be swilling nothing but Martini’s and I would start a fight with the leader of Russia, just for the hell of it.  He has to know it is President’s day. 

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Shoveling is Snow Joke

That title is so corny and it cracks me up.  I read all of the local papers in Philadelphia and each of them had a front page title just as corny.  It is Snow Time to Drive.  Snow Doubt, winter is here, etc.  I love it!

I love the snow.  I do have one significant complaint to God.  Why would you dump 20 inches of snow on us during the weekend?  Seriously, you should plan these snow storms for a Tuesday, so we can all call out of work and drink hot chocolate and catch up on Jersey Shore. 

We are already off on Saturday for crying out loud!

Well the snow by us was awesome.  It was semi-wet snow, which is perfect for forming gigantic snow balls.  I haven’t lost my touch either.  I was pegging trees like it was going out of style.  I also hit a passing car from about 35 yards away.  I couldn’t help myself. 

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The Five Worst Traits of Coworkers

 

In my last post I wrote that I would outline the top five criteria for punching a coworker; then I realized I am not a violent person.  The only time I can advocate any sort of violence is when it is directed towards my friends.  They wholeheartedly deserve it. 

I cannot in good conscience condone or promote reasons for punching a coworker.  There are two simple reasons why I cannot:

1. It is really wrong to punch a coworker as it will only lead to bad things for all parties involved
2. I really don’t give a shit about work.  I am not even remotely passionate enough while at work to even consider it. 

When I am at work I am always thinking about something else.  It is actually amazing that I get anything done, my mind is always, and I mean always someplace else.  That is why I spend 85% of my day on the hopper.

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Extra! Extra! Bud Selig Caught at Rest Stop, Blowing the Yankees!

Read all about it!  Bud Selig, what an arrogant douche bag.  Congrats on the post season NLDS and ALDS schedule.  He knew that MLB couldn’t compete with the NFL on Sunday so he pushed back the starting time of last nights game, knowing that both cities involved would still watch. 

He literally has crippled two cities work forces today, Columbus Day of all days.  It is my 18^th favorite day of the year.  I dress up as a skipper of a boat and talk in an Italian accent all day, in memory of Chris Columbus.  RIP Chris! 

Let’s see what Bud Selig was thinking when putting together the post season schedule:

Let’s put the Twins and the Yankees series on in primetime, all 14 people in Minnesota deserve it!  Hell they won’t get swept again.  Why would we even begin to think that the Twins would get swept?  The fact that they haven’t won a SINGLE game against the Yankees this year is no clear indication? 

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Political Correctness is for P*ssies

Six minutes...six minutes...six minutes Walt E Fresh, you're on, Uh uh on, Uh uh on, Uh uh-uh uh-uh uh uh on.  Uh uh on, Uh uh on, Uh uh-uh uh-uh uh uh on, Ooh ooh ooh, uh uh on.  Here we go... Here we go...Come on... Come on...

That just goes to show you how terrible the name Walt is.  Walt E Fresh; that sounds absolutely atrocious, I need a new name. 

Rhett Law Haley – that has a certain ring to it and you know what?  When you sound out my first name backwards that is what is sounds like Retlaw is Walter backwards.  Rhett Law Haley, I think I am on to something. 

I was listening to the Mike and Mike in the Morning Show on ESPN Radio on the way into work this morning and they were discussing the Anaheim Angels post game celebration after clinching the American League West division the other night. 

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