Ode to Stuffing

Stuffing, oh stuffing what would the world be like without you,

Turkey would seem pointless, but this much you already knew.

If you became extinct the world would most likely end, 

The world would collapse into itself; there would be chaos, this we cannot pretend.

The day before Thanksgiving, I fast and I fast,

If you could talk, you would be the life of the party, we’d have a blast.  

I have a feeling that compared to the other food on my plate, you are the cleverest,

That is why I pile you so high, like a miniature Mount Everest. 

Click to read more ...

Yo, Take an iChill Relaxation Shot

“Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There's a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes”

We miss you Harry the K!  The Waltdog was down at the Phillies game yesterday, compliments of his new BFF, Rossi.  It was our first trip to a post season baseball game and we couldn’t of asked for a better day! 

We sat in front of four dudes that were the quintessential Philadelphia fans, rude, cursing and completely negative about everything.  We were cracking up. 

Click to read more ...

Top 5 Songs for Ugly Strippers

I have never been to a strip joint, it is not in my character. I find them absolutely degrading and appalling. Women should not be subject to this sort of humiliation.

Most of my friends have frequented these establishments and I find them disgusting for it. They come home covered in stripper scent and glitter. I cannot say I condone these actions, I can only tolerate them.

(Do strippers all shop at the same lotion store or something? The stripper scent should be marketed to the public. Home life would be way different if every woman smelled of stripper lotion.)

Click to read more ...

5 Songs The Waltdog is a Closet Fan Of

I saw a woman cross the street last night, riding one of those motorized carts that you see on a television commercial and she had her dog attached to it on a lease.

I have a quick question about this: What does she tell people she is doing? Walking her dog? That would be a lie. She would have to tell people that she is motorized carting her dog around the neighborhood.

I would totally call her out on it, and have no problem doing so.

Click to read more ...

Five Things that Happen in Cartoons that I Hope to See Happen in Real Life

I am getting a haircut today and I am very, very excited. It feels like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Getting a fresh fade is a top 25 feeling for me. The Waltdog is currently woofing.

I like to put the barber to work so he earns his freaking money!

My buddy Mark, who is the brains behind the entire Waltsense operation, has a cushy little job that allows him to work from home.

He has this ‘war room’ set up in his office that has approximately 28 computer monitors spread around the room, running code of God knows what.

Click to read more ...