Hey Phil, do realize you are a freaking groundhog right? Do you think you are better then us? You’re a chubby little bastard who wields a pretty powerful stick. All you have to do is come out of your little nook once a year and simply look around to seeif you can see your shadowthen predict how much longer winter will be. What a great gig!

If he sees his shadow it is 6 more weeks of winter.  If he doesn’t see his shadow then springtime will come early. 

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This is a special breed of people. They take so much time and effort to coordinate their little pet outfits. They think it is so cute. Then they talk to their pets in their little baby voices, like the pets can understand them.

[In a Baby Voice] “Hey Fluffy, you are the cutest little dog in the whole wide world! Yes you are! My little snookie-wookums!

[In a Baby Voice] “Hey Snowball, you are the fluffiest little white cat in the universe! Yes you are! My little pumpkin pie!

[In a Baby Voice] “Hey Dog Owner, you are the most annoying dog owner in the whole wide world! Yes you are! My little geeky Mcgeekerson! Who wants to punch you in the face? The Waltdog does! Yes he does! Ah, you are so precious…

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This is no joke. You know the world is coming to an end when you wake up and a kangaroo is in your kitchen eating cereal. I think that is actually one of the seven signs written about in the bible.

I know I just wrote about this recently but this story really happened. Maybe I have some special powers and what I write about actually comes true. Some poor family out there may just wake up and get mauled to death by a Rosie O’Donnell. I pray that doesn’t happen.

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I was watching the Animal Planet channel on Sunday afternoon and I caught a marathon of a new television show based on a feisty little creature called “The Jockey.”

I had heard of this breed of animal but I had never seen one up close or in person so I did a little research.

The Jockeys’ scientific name is littleous personous and they are part of the buzzard family.

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We’ve come a long way from that monkey who stuck his finger up his butt hole, sniffed it, and the very smell of his stink finger forcing him to fall out of a tree.  How cute was that? 

We are so used to seeing these adorable little animals sling crap at one another and we ignore the fact that they are wild animals. 

A chimp in Connecticut, named Travis, could brush his own teeth, use a water pick, drink fine wine from a stemmed glass and I heard that he could do a mean impression of John Travolta. 

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