Kabul, July 15: The US-led forces fighting the Taliban fighters in Afghanistan might soon encounter 'gun-toting' monkeys, trained for 'jihad', if a rumor doing the rounds in the Chinese media is to be believed. 

The New York Post cited the state-run People's Daily as saying that the Taliban is "training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops". 

"... The Taliban forces have tried any possible means and figured out a method to train monkeys as 'replacement killers' against American troops," Stars and Stripes quoted the Chinese daily as saying.

The militants were arming the primates with AK-47 rifles, machine guns and trench mortars in the Waziristan tribal region bordering Pakistan and Afghanistan, it claimed. 

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This has been a glowing theme in America lately; being addicted to sex.  What a freaking joke. 

Tiger Woods is not addicted to sex.  He is a pencil necked geek who is blessed with being very talented and very rich.  He dedicated the majority of his time the first 17 years of his life to learning his craft and not necessarily learning social skills. 

Have you seen this guy talk?  He really is a dork.  He hates social settings. 

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The Waltdog had a huge fantasy win this past week.  My team showed up to play.  Every week from here on out is a must win, essentially every game has playoff implications.  I have a few phone calls into Jason Witten, for him to get his fantasy head out of his make believe ass.  He hasn’t scored a touchdown since week 16 of last year.  Freaking pussy!  Doesn’t he know my league title hangs in the balance?  It is playoff time bitches! 

Up next is my buddy Easy-E and his team of slackers.  He becomes my enemy this week.   

I am the reigning champ our Fantasy Football Keeper League.  I have the trophy to prove it.  (My name isn’t on it yet, because I am lazy.)  That means every team in our league gets up every week to play me.  I have the proverbial target on my back. 

Everyone wants to knock the king off of his porch.

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There is one thing that I never understood about television commercials.  Why do advertising companies make serious commercial?  There should be a law that makes all television commercials funny.  It would stop wasting everyone’s time and we would actually not have to flip channels to avoid commercials. 

I know as soon as I see a serious television ad, I reach for the remote. 

Doctor’s always say laughter is the best medicine.  So why not show a commercial about a certain cancer drug showing a cancer patient that has lost his hair go into a party and get ripped on by his friend.  “What’s with the Teddy Savalis look, Frank?”

Then the next commercial could be him wig shopping and trying on all kinds of crazy wigs.  I would crack up at that, and maybe learn something in the process. 

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Good morning to all.  It is a glorious Monday morning in Philadelphia.  I rolled the windows down in my 2000 GMC Jimmy (it is a two door with no four wheel drive, what a piece of crap) and let the wind blow through my graying hair.  It was stupendous. 

Who am I kidding, Monday’s freaking blow.  The air in Philadelphia smells like a mixture of toxic gas, exhaust and body odor.  The only reason I had the car window’s down is if I use the air conditioner in the Jimmy I can only drive 28 miles an hour without the car shaking uncontrollably and having to stop for gasoline ever four miles. 

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