What will the Jersey Shore cast look like in 25 years?

Avalon Beach PatrolThere is nothing like high quality programming on television.  Is there anything more substantial to our kids’ development than that of the Jersey Shore?  I think not.  This is the most profound piece of literary work since Shakespeare.   Sesame Street should take notes from this show. 

This is how you friggin’ do it!

I am like the 38 billion people out there watching this train wreck of a show – The Jersey Shore.  They have a collection of guys and girls who spend their summers at the Jersey Shore acting like guidos and guidettes (some of the cast isn’t even one lick Italian, which is awesome).

I grew up in Philadelphia and the Jersey Shore that me and the fellows went to was way different than what you see up north in places like Seaside, NJ. 

Before I watched this show, I thought Avalon/ Sea Isle were the center of the known universe.  Boy was I mistaken!   Seaside is where it is at.   

Had we gone to Seaside as teenagers and young adults, I would have gotten my face kicked in about 784 times by now.  I am the polar opposite of meat heads and fake tanner.  GTL is my kryptonite. 

 I was a skinny punk who is as pale white as a piece of loose leaf paper.  (I am also a momma’s boy who had their laundry done for them, so there!)

I have absolutely nothing in common with this crew.  I do like spaghetti though. 

I really wonder what these guys/girls would have done in life had this show not come around.  

I do root for these guys though.   They probably started out not thinking much of the opportunity to be on the show and a year and half later BOOM!  They are instant celebrities.

I have nothing against any of these guys.  I wish them all the best.  Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be one of them?  They don’t have to work; they drink all night and sleep all freaking day!  That is the life! 

I wish them nothing but continued success. 

My favorite character is Vinnie.   He seems the most ‘normal’.  He seems level headed and somewhat family oriented. 

DJ Pauly D is actually pretty normal too.  He doesn’t hide the fact that all he cares about is getting some ass and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.   The thing that drives me crazy about him is how he wears his hair.  It looks absolutely absurd.  To each his own though.  I have seen pictures of him when he was younger and he looked pretty normal.   

Dude, are these guys allergic to shirts or something? 

 

I like the Situation’s crazy ass lingo.  I think he is pretty funny and easy to root for.  (On a sidebar - I have a crazy suspicion that he is going to pull a Ricky Martin on us an ‘announce” that he is gay in like 15 years.)   He constantly brings girls home and he spends most of the time away from them, cooking food in the kitchen.  He always seems to find an excuse to run out on the girls.  Hmm – something isn’t right with this picture.  (Not that there is anything wrong with that, just be true to yourself!)

 J WOWW, I don’t know what to think of her.  Sometimes she looks cute other times she looks as if her face was hit by a meteor.   Plus she loves punching people in the face – I am not so high on that trait. 

I liked Ronnie in Miami – he was awesome.  Now he is attached to Sam’s hip and that is not good.  He needs to dump her and get back to the old Ronnie.    

Sam is POINTLESS.  She does provide all of the drama on the show though.  (Did she have a boob job between season 2 and 3?  Or is it just me?)  She also happens to be the only semi-attractive girl on the show. 

Then there is Snooki – she is a freaking nut.  Her personality is freaking adorable.  I love the drunk little girl, routine!  If there were wagers to what Snooki would score on the SAT’s, what would be the over/under?  580?   She is so dumb that it is cute.    

I just want to put her in my wife’s purse and take her home with us!  I mean, she loves pickles and falling on her face on the beach.  What is not to love!!  She is the keeper of the bunch. 

Thinking of all of these people and how they were thrust into the spotlight makes me want to flash forward 15-20 years from now.   Most of these guys/girls will have squandered their fortunes and will desperately be trying to hold on to (or reclaim) their fame.   Their fifteen minutes will not last forever!

Can you imagine what they are going to look like in their forties and fifties? 

• The Situation will be fat and dressing like Elton John prancing around his new boy toy.  
• Pauly D will be bald from all that hair product and sporting a Donald Trump style comb over.
• Snooki will continue to shrink and become just a head, feet and hands (like the head detective on In Living Color).
• J WOWW.  She will be addicted to Botox, be on her 84^th set of fake boobs, wearing bright red lipstick, she will have balding hair and be drunk 24/7.  The cigarettes and constant sun tanning are not going to help her cause (I think she may turn out to be the best of the lot).
• I think Vinnie will be low key and stay out of the spotlight.  I think he will age semi-normally. 
• Ronnie will eventually EXPLODE from steroid use.  His head may shrink and he will be a side show like Beattlejuice from the Howard Stern show.
• Sam, oh Sammie.   I have a feeling she is going to SWELL up.  She may be the Kirstie Alley of the Jersey Shore.  She will be on the cover of US Magazine in 20 years stuffing her fat face with cupcakes. 

Oh man, I never want to wish time to go by, but I cannot wait to see these dudes and dudettes in 20 years.   It is going to be MAGNIFICENT. 

I found this website where you can put in a picture to see how you will age – get a load of these:

Snooki in twenty years:

 

The Situation in twenty years:

 

Ronnie in twenty years (How great is his pose in this picture?  He may just be the next Jean-Claude Van Damme, with better acting skills):

 His balls may be worse

DJ Pauly D in twenty years.  This does not do it justice.  He will be balding by then!!

 

J WOWW in twenty years:

 What about the rack?

Last, but not least Sammie in twenty years (I am not sure how the website determined this, but it was not kind to Sammie.  This website doesn’t lie!!)

 Sweetest girl ever

Until next time people!!