Meeting New People or a Ten Day ChinaTraffic Jam?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 1:38PM
Man how life changes as you get older. Take this for instance: I used to abhor meeting new people. I have been very blessed with a great, great group of friends and my thought process was I didn’t need any more people to keep track of.
Shit, I can barely keep in touch with the friends I have!
My wife and I take the kids out for a walk around the neighborhood (when it is nice out) and we would see the same group of people doing the exact same thing with their kids.
We met an awesome couple then another couple then another couple and things sort of spiraled out of control. Before we knew it we had a whole new posse of parents cruising around the neighborhood.
Well, Walt is fat and lazy so walking gets pretty tiresome fast.
One of the couples suggested we start having a happy hour. We get all the kids to play in the back yard while the parents throw back a couple of brews.
What better way to spend a Friday night from 6-8! We switch houses every Friday and people even bring pretty good beer! I was thinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and dudes are showing up with Stella Artois.
We are so freaking sophisticated. We have the dad’s chasing after the kids and the kids running so much that they fall fast asleep that night. It is a freaking win-win for everyone!
A parent happy hour; who would have ever thought? I can see this escalating to a four year old kid mixing drinks on the patio for all of the parents (then after 4 martinis getting pissed at the four year old for making the martini too dry and berating him until he poop’s his pants). Serves the kid right!
You know what they say: When life throws you olives have your infant mix you up a martini. It is practically wifesense’s motto.
Okay onto the blog!!
I am a pretty happy-go-lucky person, unless you piss me off. Then you have to choose between death or destruction. You don’t want to go there, so don’t piss me off. So if you are going to walk slow, move out of the way. If you are going to drive 48 miles an hour, do it in the right lane. If you are going to chew gum with your mouth open supply the people around you with earplugs and if you are going to kiss ass don’t talk to me afterwards with your shit breath wreaking of our bosses poopy-farts.
So good at Math, yet....Those are simple rules. You know when all of that goes out of the window for Walt? In a freaking traffic jam! I have been in 2 hour traffic jams and I want to end my life. Can you imagine living in China? They are in the midst of construction to a major highway and it caused a TEN DAY TRAFFIC JAM!!!
Listen to this:
BEIJING (AFP) – Thousands of vehicles were bogged down Monday in a more than 100-kilometre (62-mile) traffic jam leading to Beijing that has lasted nine days and highlights China's growing road congestion woes.
The Beijing-Tibet expressway slowed to a crawl on August 14 due to a spike in traffic by cargo-bearing heavy trucks heading to the capital, and compounded by road maintenance work that began five days later, the Global Times said.
The state-run newspaper said the jam between Beijing and Jining city had given birth to a mini-economy with local merchants capitalizing on the stranded drivers' predicament by selling them water and food at inflated prices.
That stretch of highway linking Beijing with the northern province of Hebei and the Inner Mongolia region has become increasingly prone to massive jams as the capital of more than 20 million people sucks in huge shipments of goods.
Traffic slowed to a snail's pace in June and July for nearly a month, according to earlier press reports.
The latest clog has been worsened by the road improvement project, made necessary by highway damage caused by a steady increase in cargo traffic, the Global Times said.
China has embarked in recent years on a huge expansion of its national road system but soaring traffic periodically overwhelms the grid.
The congestion was expected to last into mid-September as the road project will not be finished until then, the newspaper said.
The roadway is a major artery for the supply of produce, coal and other goods to Beijing.
I have a few minor questions about this:
1) There are no alternate routes? It is insane to sit for nine freaking days.
2) Did people anticipate the traffic jam? I hope they did or that will be one smelly ass highway. People probably don’t have toilet paper, deodorant or tooth brushes.
3) Can’t you walk to the city faster than nine days? There are rarely ANY fat Chinese people so I know they are in shape. They should really consider bringing back the rickshaw.
4) I heard people are playing chess, sleeping, walking around just to get the blood flowing and pass the time. I didn’t hear any mention of sharpening Chinese stars though. Is China slipping? This should be on the forefront of Chinese people’s minds (as well as finding out how General Tso fought a war and found the time to make a chicken recipe.)
The man, the myth, the chicken
5) I am assuming calling out of work isn’t even necessary considering your boss is probably stuck in the same mess but what if your boss beats you to work by a day or two? Does he reprimand his employees for being insubordinate? I know I would if I was the boss! Peeps would be paying for being 6 days late to work. Seriously, how is work getting done there?
6) If it took you nine days to drive to work wouldn’t you be thinking how long it is going to take to get back? Do you just pull up to your office, grab 30 days worth of work from your cubicle and get right back on the road home? Shit, I know I am not sleeping in my cubicle surrounding by 200 Chinese people who haven’t showered, deodorized or brush their teeth in nine days. If my boss even asked me I would simple open my briefcase and show him nine days worth of sharpened Chinese Stars.
7) There has to be at least one of those impatient people that see the right lane is moving so the quickly get over, then the right lane comes to a screeching halt and the left lane begins to move so that person quickly gets over to the left lane and he finds himself back in the exact same spot he started out in. How awesome would it be to be next to that person for nine days? I would be cracking up the whole time. They never, ever get ahead but they think they know all the tricks to the trade. I love these people.
8) This has to increase the amount of alcohol and cigarette consumption, right?
9) How did this get to be a nine day traffic jam? Did people just not listen to the news? I think I would have either considered an alternate route or changing my plans once the traffic jam reached four days. That is my max. I will not sit in a traffic jam for more than four days. It is only logical.
10) Chinese people are forced to work a ton of hours in sweat shop like conditions. This isn’t news. Why doesn’t the government force these people to build flying cars? It solves all their problems and the workforce will finally get to work on time. Done and done!! Just raise their hourly wages from 16 cents to 18 cents as an added bonus. Maybe you can invent the car that flies and folds up into a tiny brief case. That technology is right around the corner.
11) How pissed off would you be if you found out the traffic jam was caused by the state police making random stops? That drives me nuts.
12) How many lives has this saved, considering how bad Asian drivers are?
Reader Comments (5)
Funny blog but I think your making your parent parties way cooler then they are.
I guess there's no Asian couples at your parties.
Correction: I guess there ARE no Asian couples at your parties.
That traffic jam is insane.
Your paragraph: I" am a pretty happy-go-lucky person, unless you piss me off. Then you have to choose between death or destruction. You don’t want to go there, so don’t piss me off. "
Hey we have something in common. I'm pretty much the same way!
Those Friday night parties seem pretty cool.
www.cocaineprincess.blogspot.com
to Joey D - Trust me i am not attempting to make the parties seem cooler than they are. My attempt was to show that I am finally spreading my wings and meeting new people, which I used to be TOTALLY against.
Any party that involves kids running around is nothing short of exhausting.