A continuation for I Really Hate People: a Write-In
Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 1:24PM 
This blog was sent to me complements of one of wifesense’s friend, Melissa which whom she used to work with. It details an excruciating commute from the suburbs into the beautiful City of Philadelphia.
Listen to how she poetically writes about her encounter. I read it and laughed hysterically. Not only is her encounter insane, she writes so elegantly that it should be read out loud at a library with some old Oxford graduate reading it with a distinguished English accent.
I didn’t make any changes to it. I am not intelligent enough to even understand or comprehend some of the beautiful words used to describe such a horrific commute.
Without further adieu:
From Melissa,
So the following is a bit of a rant of what happened during my morning commute on the train. I’m telling you this in case you have better things to do than read my lunatic ravings.
I got on the local R5 train this morning at Bryn Mawr. At some stop between Bryn Mawr and the city, a woman sat next to me on the two-seater. (From now on, I will pick a different location on the train to avoid her as this is the second time she has sat next to me.)
Her first offence was she plopped her small-linebacker mass on my seat. This propelled me up in what children would consider a fun bouncy ride and jarred me from my book. Her second offence was that she then looked at me and my book and commented “You’ll be done soon.” As if she hasn’t already annoyed me with her rude plopping, she thinks it’ll make the situation better if she further interrupts me by trying to make conversation. If I’m reading a book on a train – do I look like I want to make friends and chat? Leave me alone!
And if that wasn’t enough, as she spoke, coughed, and exhaled her breath was reminiscent of a recently used toilet. I thought I was going to die from the malicious odor. The assault on my olfactory sense was enough to warrant an arrest, or at least some type of hygienic product – gum, mints, mouthwash.
As we were off-loading passengers at Suburban station, I realized that she was not getting off and would proceed to sit next to me until I got off at the Market East station. At this point I had had enough and with a multitude of empty seats on the train, I started to get out of the seat. When she realized I was getting up she looked at me and had the nerve to say “Waiting ‘til the last minute, huh?”.
I could not believe the level of rudeness and impropriety that this woman would dish out at such an early hour of the day. But I would not rise to the occasion and tell her off; although I’d like to say my hesitance was from good manners, it was mostly from fear of her girth.
Well I hope all of you had a better start of your day.
How great is that little nugget? I was in tears at work. She is a great writer. I am almost embarrassed by the way I write!
I was actually going to write an article about how I just got an iPhone in the mail and how much I love it. I still want to throw this out there about it. Whoever doesn’t own an iPhone is a complete loser.
One of these days wifesense is going to come to her senses and leave me. Walt will be okay, for he will be able to marry his one true love – his new iPhone.
I even have a new application that turns my cell phone screen into a mirror, so it would be like marrying me in some ways. We make a handsome couple!!!
The other application that I downloaded: An application where you can formulate your own farting noise! I was giggling like a little school girl as I was making fart noises with my phone. Wifesense did not find this funny…
Reader Comments (6)
Wonderful post - I know she said R5 but that could have been any of the trains cause I think that women rides all the trains on the SEPTA line. Or maybe it is just one family that each take a train??? Hmmmmm
Also, Walt - iPhone really???? Are you not the person who use to complain about having a cell phone and how you would never carry one?!?!? Or do I have you confused
Ah Jeanne! I am all grown up now. I actually text Heather at the dinner table to ask her to chew with her mouth shut.
That is just how I roll!!!
No need to feel inadequate based on your lack of eloquence. Come on over to realestdudeintheroom.com and check out my whacked out writing. You'll feel like Mark Twain in no time.
And some people need to be kicked in the face with a pirhana......
Your writing is just as awesome as wifesense's friend!!
www.cocaineprincess.blogspot.com
If I'm a loser for not having an iPhone, what am I for HATING the iPhone with an unnatural passion?
I'm just seriously amazed you can get your cell phone to turn into a mirror...can it really do that?? How the heck can it do that? Damn, I'm Googling that now.
Yes, I am totally technology-ignorant.