The Week of Glamorous Quitting
Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 12:51PM
Great marketing...better timingI thank God when it is raining and humid in Philadelphia. The sidewalks and streets get soaked forcing the beautiful scent of urine into the air and the humidity traps it in so it gets stuck around you head as if someone dipped their finger in a toilet filled with piss and shit and rubbed it on the top of your lip while you were sleeping.
It is glorious! So much so that it stings the nostrils.
I ask the great people of Waltoria: Is there a better way to start the day? It reminds me of all the beautiful scents in this world as only urine could. It reminds me of stank morning breath, bed wetting, pickle juice, vomit, foreigners, raw onions, puss and sweaty feet.
Keeping it real...4 real
I ask you again: Is there a better way to start the day than that? I don’t think so.
I got wind of two fantastic ways people quit their jobs this week. The first one I think everyone heard of: The steward from Jet Blue.
For those of you who don’t know about this, here is the gist of the story:
There was a flight attendant on a flight from Pittsburgh to New York. When the plane landed in New York a passenger promptly got up and reached into the overhead compartment while the plane was taxiing up to the terminal which is a big no-no.
The flight attendant approached the unruly passenger and told her to remain seated while the plane was taxiing.
She refused to sit down and her baggage hit the flight attendant in the head. The flight attendant demanded an apology.
The passenger responded: “F*ck you!”
He didn’t respond to her.
Instead, he got on the plane's public address system, and as the plane pulled up to the gate, he said something to the effect of, "To the f*cking asshole that told me to f*ck off, it’s been a good 28 years!" He then grabbed some beer off the beverage cart, activated the inflatable evacuation slide, slid off the plane, ran to the parking lot and drove home.
When officials caught up with him to arrest him for his shenanigans, he was allegedly having sex with his boyfriend. He's charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and trespassing.
SASSY!!!!!!!!Later in the week his family and friend came to his defense, most notably his mother and his ex-wife.
I have a few questions about this:
1) Before I even read this story I saw the title of the article Flight Attendant Make Dramatic Exit from Plane and I saw the picture of the flight attendant holding up his ID card (Check out handsome to the left).
Seeing the picture I couldn’t help but think that this dude was a little light in the loafers. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, I had a feeling that this dude happens to like other dudes. There isn’t anything wrong with that but this picture SCREAMS gayness.
I didn’t want to be judgmental, that is not what Walt is all about, but still my gaydar was going haywire. Then I remember why. THIS GUY IS A FREAKING FLIGHT ATTENDENT!! The picture had nothing to do with my gaydar.
So this is the question that I have: How was this guy married to a woman? Even if she was blind she had to know that he was flight attendant! The writing was on the wall for Christ sake! He was a flight attendant for 28 YEARS, so it is not like he realized that he was playing for the other team last week. It has been a long, long time.
2) How awesome was this guys exit? He had to have planned this months, if not years, in advanced. He may be my idol! If he did this on a whim, Hollywood should hire this guy. His imagination is off the freaking charts!
3) This guy heads right to the beer grabs a few brews and then INFLATS the emergency exit slide and slid down it. Who hasn’t wanted to do this? Seriously, not only have I wanted to slide down that thing a million times, I wanted to do it with a few brews in my hands. That must have been the best 2.8 seconds of that dudes life. Kudos homie, kudos!
4) Is it really necessary to report that when officials arrived at his house he was having sex with his boyfriend? I really didn’t need to know that (not that there is anything wrong with that). Do they do that for heterosexuals? I don’t remember ever reading something like this before. This ultimately brings me to my last question.
5) Was he excited to go to prison? The potential for getting your salad tossed increases exponentially in prison, or so I am told.
6) Extra Credit Last question: How awesome is the word shenanigans? I do not use this enough. I cannot wait to get into some shenanigans this weekend.
The other timely perfected quitting routine was posted on the website The Chive website:
At first I couldn't tell if this was staged or not. If it would of been real, that is an awesome, awesome way to quit.
But a quick google search shows we’ve been had by hot chick which is not hard to do.
Regardless, this is how I am going to announce all the bad news I deliver from now on. I am serious.
When I hit it big I am going to email all of my loser friends pictures of a me in a tank top holding a white board telling them how I really feel.
First up, Wifesense!
Have a great, great day people!!!
Reader Comments (7)
I think a great idea is hitting the lottery then leaving a bag of poop in your bosses office - granted he/she was prick. That would be very memorable.
Welcome back waltsense! I can't believe ninjas killed that mans family! What a shame
Even in this economy when jobs are scarce some people get so fed up that they will say take this job and shove it and do it with quite a flare.
Come on now, Walt...you and your cohorts invented the word shenanigans!
Hey, maybe it's not hard for you to be had by a hot chick, but I've been married for 30 years this month and it's impossible for me because I'm old and my wife doesn't like the idea.
So it's gay to be a flight attendant? I was looking for a career change and I like free peanuts. Guess I better check out the zoo instead.
Holy cow the dude in the 2nd pic down looks like Kimbo Slice. Hilarious as usual, Waltmeister!