LeBron James Can Lick my Balls
Friday, July 9, 2010 at 10:10AM 
Management promises this is the first and last Lebron Article
I think that is what Dan Gilbert, the current owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers meant to say in his letter to the Cavaliers fans.
I know I am one of 4.26 million people that are going to blog about this but I have to get it off of my chest.
I watched the television show last night and I wasted an hour of my life (it did get me out of doing the dishes though, so I have to thank LeBron-Bron for that). After the wasted hour, I read Gilbert’s comments on the website.
Here is what I took away from the whole thing:
1) LeBron James needs to surround himself with more intelligent/mature people. I know he is loyal and the people running his enterprise, which are the crew that he grew up with. I can really respect that and it is an awesome thing but the way LeBron handled this situation was TERRIBLE with a capital “T”. He came across as arrogant, childish, insincere and selfish.
My peeps are famous!
That is not good for his global image, which is his ultimate goal. He just alienated himself from New Jersey, Ohio, New York, LA and Dallas. You don’t have to really worry about Ohio, I mean we are talking about Ohio but New York and LA, Bron-Bron needs them in his corner to become a billionaire. He may now be the most hated person in the NBA. I don’t blame it entirely on him. He was looking for advice and he is obviously surrounded by ‘yes’ men. Someone needed to pull him aside and talk to him about the ramifications of his actions. Here what his crew needed to tell him:
- He should have called each of the franchises prior to his one hour special, notifying them of his decision.
- He should have thanked the fans of Cleveland on his brand new website prior to his announcement.
Cleveland Rocks! - He needs to take out a huge add campaign in the city of Cleveland, post interview thanking them.
- He could have used the one hour special as a post interview discussing the decision he made to join Wade and Bosh in Miami.
- He actually should have made the announcement in tandem with Wade and Bosh, so they appear on a unified front. Now it looks like egos may play a role in the Heat’s development.
2) His actions just pissed off half of the free world. The richest nation in the world is the USA. In order to globalize you image and make tons of cash, it would help if you grew your image at the home base first, not tarnish it. He took about 18 steps backwards in his goal. He may sell more jerseys in Cuba now but he will be getting spit on and booed in 28 arenas this year.
3) The City of Cleveland just became the worst place to live in the world. How depressing is this dump of a city? Poor people. At least you have the Browns to look forward too! Obama should consider putting a fence around the whole city, so it’s bad luck and depressive nature doesn’t spread to the rest of the USA. (The city of Cleveland is known as Forest City? Is there even a nice looking tree in that city, let alone a forest?)
She is hot in Cleveland right now - alteast someone is.
4) The Heat better start off 25-0 or else it will be tough for Bron-Bron to get past this debacle.
5) The Heat need to change their name. That is an awful name for sports team. They should be the Miami Cubans or maybe the Miami Vices.
6) Lebron James has a really, really nice beard going.
7) The entire world knows that the three of them (Wade, LeBron and Bosh) knew their intentions years ago, while they formed their friendship during the Olympics. LeBron doesn’t need to mention this, but again it is admirable thing. Who wouldn’t want to play with their boys! He is going to have fun and hopefully this sparks a fun epidemic back in the NBA, which is currently a terrible product. One thing is for certain: He shouldn’t have strung the poor people of Cleveland along like that though. They should have known from the get-go that his intentions were to leave and play with his two close friends. There is nothing wrong with that. He could have used the excuse of winning championships as his ultimate goal and most people would have understood. It still would have stung, but they would at least still follow his career with a curious eye, not a hateful one. I mean, who could blame him for leaving Cleveland? Anyone?
8) LeBron James has low self esteem when it comes to basketball. Seriously, all of the great ones would not have made this move. Jordan would have seen Wade and Bosh sign in Miami and it would have sparked an intense competition inside of him, almost like those moves were a dare to be great. Jordan would have either resigned with Cleveland or looked at the Knicks situation and be extremely intrigued about resurrecting one of the most revered sports franchises in the world and set out to destroy both Wade and Bosh not join them. Same goes for Bird, Magic and Derrick Coleman (he-he). All of the great ones! Now LeBron will be James Worthy to Wade’s Magic. That is not the way to do this if you consider yourself the best in the world at basketball. 
SHUSH YOUR FAT FACE
9) When you look at the situations in each of the prospective cities, Chicago was the most ready to compete for a title: Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, the addition of Carlos Boozer. That team has a solid foundation. If LeBron wanted to win a championship next year, this was his chance. Enjoy playing this year with a rookie center and an unknown point guard. That is not a formula for success. (Is LeBron going to play point guard? That would be awesome, if so they may not lose a game this year.)
10) Pat Riley is a genius who most likely smells of expensive musk.
11) Dan Gilbert is a spoiled cry-baby. He should have taken a deep breath and considered his words more carefully. I agree with most of what he said, but that shouldn’t have come from the owner of an NBA franchise. He needed to say something and say something powerful – but that? That is not good. He essentially just looks like a bitter divorced spouse who forgot to sign the prenuptial agreement and lost the house and both prized dogs in the settlement.
12) The person that made out the most with last night’s events? Kobe Bryant. He didn’t even do anything and he just ensured himself of remaining the most powerful, popular player in the NBA, and I hate him. He is awesome though. The Black Mamba trouser snack is definitely smiling today!
You forgot about Colorado? Didn't ya....
13) The Sixers still blow complete ass. I would rather shit my pants on a hot summer’s day then attend a Sixers game, but then again who wouldn’t?
Happy Friday people – Walt does NOT feel like working today.
Basketball, Sports Humor 
Reader Comments (9)
Man I miss Brett Favre! LBJ will win a title down there - he is now just a hated more.
How is this whole LeBron thing even newsworthy in the basketball world with the WNBA All-Star game this weekend?
Why did you give me away?
I admit I don't know much about basketball, so I'll just say:
Happy Friday Walt.
cocaineprincess.blogspot.com
P.S.
Love the Betty White pic- she's really funny in her new show: Hot In Cleveland
Still have to give my kudos to Dan Gilbert for getting it off his chest the way he did immediately after....made him seem so much more human...being a divorced single Mom and all myself:)
Quit bashing Cleveland! It is not funny anymore.
Happy Saturday, because I missed this Friday.!
Prediction:
Wade gets hurt, Lebron and Bosh end up in some type of trouble. Each should have at least a few DUI's, possible night club shooting and maybe a yacht party gone bad. They will end up finishing around 500 make the playoffs. Lebron will be awesome in a few games and they lose in the second round.. I didn’t watch the "Decision" show on ESPNLBJ and I have trouble watching a sporting event because they throw this in your face every 14 seconds. I don't give a shit about LeBron. He is great at basketball and that’s all he needs to do to make a ton of money. Doesn’t matter if he wins anything in his career he will make a ton. Kobe is and will always be the 2nd best basketball player we have or ever will see. No one blames Lebron for leaving Cleveland. I like your idea of a fence around the city. Obama may want to take it a step further and make it the 49 United States and just drop Ohio all together. Please God let Tiger win a tournament or bang a few hooker/strippers again so Lebron will go away. Maybe Magic can bring his AIDS back to help us move on.
Did you hear about the new iKing Phone from Apple??? Took two years to develop, loves itself, only vibrates and has no rings.... Hiiii OHHH
Happy Saturday
The spectacle that occurred the following night was ridicoulous. Seeing Wade James and bosh get dressed up in there uniforms and parade around the arena was one of the corniest things I've seen in sports. There mark on the game will be tarnished forever for that spectacle
3 men acting like they won everything and they havn't even played a game yet/ That's why you hope for failure. At least Wade as won one. Lebron has every right to play there but he places an X on his back for his pussy attitude on exiting a place....but that's the game now. I do however think they will make it to the finals.