Sex Addiction, with Doctor Walt
Friday, April 16, 2010 at 12:14PM 
This has been a glowing theme in America lately; being addicted to sex. What a freaking joke.
Tiger Woods is not addicted to sex. He is a pencil necked geek who is blessed with being very talented and very rich. He dedicated the majority of his time the first 17 years of his life to learning his craft and not necessarily learning social skills.
Have you seen this guy talk? He really is a dork. He hates social settings.
He probably didn’t get laid until he signed his first endorsement deal at the tender age of 18. (Tiger should have stayed single until he got this whole thing out of his system. Or not have kids. I don’t care too much about divorce but when kids are involved it sucks. )
He isn’t addicted to sex – he is just in a position to have pussy thrown at him and he doesn’t have the will power to say no.
I don’t fault him; 98.4% of guys would probably do the same thing. It is none of my business anyway.
Doctor Walt is now going to give his clinical assessment of sex addiction. I got a degree in pornography with a minor in butt plugs from the school of hard knocks (mutha fucka!!!)
People claiming they are addicted to sex are actually just horny. That is it; plain and simple. You are in heat! Semen is building up in your ball sack and you need to get rid of it, or, your naughty hole has something going on that Walt cannot accurately describe.
Either way you are just horny. If you are in a relationship you either need to beg or plead with your partner to have sex, or you need to choke the chicken in the shower to get rid of those urges.
People that go out and bang different chicks or dudes are not addicted to sex; they have low moral standards and absolutely no will power.
You can stay faithful and be ‘addicted to sex” by just avoiding cheating on your spouse and watch some porn!
Seriously, it is free now! There is no excuse. All you have to do is either invest in hand lotion or C batteries for your vibrator. Done and done!
Problem solved people!
Doctor Walt will now tackle the notion of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This is another excuse for simply day dreaming.
Seriously, 99.2% of the people I know in my age group would have been put on Ritalin. I remember looking around the classroom from 1st to 12th grade and you could count on one hand the amount of students that were actually listening to the teacher (I was not one of them.)
We all turned out alright and we did not need drugs to ‘cure’ us. We just needed to be taught how to create a perfect cheat sheet and the proper place to hide said cheat sheet so we passed.
We carried those very lessons into rigging our resumes to get great jobs! It is what we do.
No need to drugs or therapy. It is alright to day dream and it is okay to be horny. I usually combine the two and I am doing just fine. My left hand hasn’t been chapped in years! I could be a hand model my skin is so smooth.
Here is one bit of advice though – read the lotion bottle to ensure you are not using a lotion that has a tanning cream. You hand will look like burnt toast (not that I would know).
Reader Comments (4)
I like the column but c'mon this should've posted two months ago when Tiger was in sex rehab, or at least before South Park brilliantly mocked it. Stay relevant Walter!
It's very true that tiger isn't very good socially. If he was, a majoirty of his "victims " would of been much better looking. For somebody that makes a trillion dollars a year, he really underachieved. The whole sex addict thing is such a pathetic excuse. Those addict clinics crack me up. Although they probably one of the easiest places in the world to hook-up (but not as easy as an eagles game). The add /adhd is a farce concocted by the healthcare industry to make money. It didn't exist before because the pharm companies hadn't yet developed the pill.
Deez Nutz! I actually wrote this way back when, it is not a point of staying relevant it is a point of not being lazy and I refuse to be anything but lazy!
I read an article by novelist Jackie Collins and she wrote, Sex Addict/Rehab/Public Apology is simply "F*****G Bull-Sh*t" and shows like "VH1 Dr. Drew's Sex Rehab are making it more popular for people to come up with the excuse they are addicted to sex."
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