In honor of Groundhog Day, we are posting an oldie but a goodie.....

Hey Phil, do realize you are a freaking groundhog right? Do you think you are better then us? You’re a chubby little bastard who wields a pretty powerful stick. All you have to do is come out of your little nook once a year and simply look around to seeif you can see your shadowthen predict how much longer winter will be. What a great gig!

If he sees his shadow it is 6 more weeks of winter.  If he doesn’t see his shadow then springtime will come early. 

He usually comes out and starts screaming into the microphone, getting the entire crowd riled up in the process.  (He knows what he is doing!  Well, I don’t buy your shenanigans Phil!)  He knows before hand what he is going to tell them people and I can see through his charades.   

There is one thing that bothers me about this whole scenario:  I have a shadow and Punxsutawney Phil has a shadow (you aren’t that special) and I know that Phil knows he has a shadow, so how come almost every other year Phil doesn’t see his shadow, even though it is definitely there? 

Hey Phil, are you that stupid or do you have a severe case of glaucoma that is affecting your peripheral vision?

If I were to ask myself that question (which I just did) I would say you are just plain lazy.  You have become too comfortable and complacent in you extravagant lifestyle. 

While you are stuffing you chubby little cheeks with God knows what, we are working our balls off and barely scrapping by.  The only thing we want is for it to be nice outside and you punish us with your laziness. 

I think it is time we as a society knock you down a couple of pegs, Phil. 

Punxsutawney Phil you have been up on your high horse for far too long.  I can just picture you now up in your mansion wearing you expensive silk smoking jacket, reclining on you leather sofa with your sifter of brandy close by because of your tiny little arms.  You puff away on your imported French cigarette with one of those extenders attached to the filter, all this taking place as you polish your 24 carat gold monocle and laugh your way to the bank.  You disgust me. 

Hey Phil, you do realize it was 65 degrees out in Philadelphia yesterday, right?  6 more weeks of winter my ass.  You obviously don’t know poop about predicting the weather. 

Maybe we should replace you with a duck billed platypus or a wombat.  It isn’t like we would have to get creative with naming it.  Your name is Phil for crying out loud!