Frank the Angry Sock – The Beginning
Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 6:41PM 
Hello peeps and peepettes! Before I get started introducing you to an old friend of mine, I wanted to give you a little background on this little fella.
I woke up this morning and I had to take down my Christmas tree, what a freaking mess. That is when you really know that Christmas is truly over. People are back to being miserable and bossy. The Christmas tree left about 48 million pine needles behind in its wake. Seriously, how many needles do these trees need? It is insane. There were so many that my brand new Dyson’s vacuum cleaner got clogged, not once but twice.
I was frustrated to say the least. But then I started thinking; if I could scream loud enough maybe Frank the Angry Sock will come and save me and defeat the evil pine needles.
I thought of the idea while lying in bed last month. The story instantly grew inside my massive chrome dome and I am beginning to develop it now.
I wrote this first part as an introduction. It is the adult version. I actually envision this being written as a Kid’s book, but I am not there yet.
I drew up some crappy sketches to give you an idea of what I was thinking when I dreamt this up. You see, white socks only have so much time before they are not consider bright anymore. Maybe they become stained or dirty, or their support stretches out. Either way, they lose their luster and grow up to become somewhat obsolete.
Frank starts out just like any other White Sock member: Bright white and athletic as hell. Time catches up with him and he winds up in a dead end job. The story will be captured in his imagination, as he sits day dreaming in his cubicle at work (like we all do).
He will concur the Duke of Argyle, he will battle the Legion of Black Socks and he will venture into The dreaded Rack to save his brother, Hank, from the Neck Tie Gang.
This is where our story begins. (Remember, this is an adult website, so I wrote this as an adult version, but you should get the idea.) Without further adieu:
Our story begins in beautiful downtown Basketville, which is the capital city of the Closet Union. Unfortunately the Union is way behind the times and segregation is still pretty prevalent.
Each Clothing Unit really sticks to their own kind: The Shirts hang in their hometown of Hangertown, The Sweaters stay in Shelveyville and The Pants resided in the Village of Chesterdrawer.
The roughest part of the Union was a place simply called The Rack. That is where the sinister Neck Tie Gang takes up residence. No one wanders into The Rack, ever.
The Underwear Clan lives in the Forrest of Dingleberry. They are homeschooled and really have never been seen buy the other sectors of the Union.
Frank’s story revolves around Basketville; where The Socks take homage.
Basketville is a pretty structured environment where people know their place. White Socks are the jocks, excelling in sports. They demand attention. They are considered the brightest Socks of the basket, but their luster wears off in time, and since their main focus is on sports, academics take a back seat. They usually wind up in some dead end job, or working the blue collar route.
The Black Socks are financially motivated and they run most of the Corporations in town. The Black Socks are classy, sleek and academically driven. They usually keep their heads buried in their work, but they are a revengeful bunch. They have a long running feud with the White Socks who usually wind up working for them. The two groups of Socks never really see eye to eye. It is hard to get to the older Black Socks as they are protected by Sock Guards at all times.
The Argyle Socks are very preppy and have had everything handed to them. They are born with silver spoons in their mouths, so to speak. They come from old money and have a terrible work ethic. They know once they reach adulthood, they will receive their trust funds and all will be right in their world. The head of the Argyle Clan is the Duke of Argyle.
The Tan Socks speak a different language and take any odd job they can find. They wear sombreros and each and every one of them (including the women) has a thin mustache. They love toe cheese and they make exotic dishes with it and consider it their currency. They are referred to as Mexitans.
Peter and Vanessa Haines were considered the ideal White Sock couple. He participated and lettered in three different sports in high school and college; basketball, baseball and soccer. She completed 84 marathons and even qualified for the Olympics.
Having been retired from the rotation, they happily married in the spring of 1986 and moved to Basketville. They hoped to start a family and work an honest living and raise their kids in a beautiful environment.
They porked each other night and day, in hopes of having children and they didn’t seem to have much luck. The massive boning they did resulting in zero pregnancies.
Peter and Vanessa were very depressed, even though they like porking they really wanted children to call their own. They looked into their options and they came up with the idea to visit a Sock Fertility Clinic.
Peter had to pick up a second job to afford it, and he exposed himself to even more scrutiny from the Black Sock leaders, but in the end it worked.
Their first visit to the clinic was a success. The egg was knocked up and all seemed right in the Haines world.
Vanessa scheduled an ultrasound and they soon discovered that they were having twins; two boys to be exact.
Peter and Vanessa were so happy. Their dream of life in Basketville was becoming a reality.
The next nine or so months seemed to fly bye as Vanessa’s stomach grew and grew.
Before Peter knew it, her hormones were so crazy that he was constantly going to the supermarket (at her request) at three in the morning for pickles, peanut butter, Ramon noodles and roasted chicken.
He was exhausted.
Then the big day came. Vanessa started complaining about lower back pains. At first Peter didn’t put two and two together. It was tough to do the math, considering Vanessa was constantly complaining about stuff and Peter learned to have selective hearing, but after three hours of constant nagging, sweating and back breaking pains and moans; Peter finally got the hint that it was time to deliver the babies.
He panicked.
He quickly put all of their overnight luggage in the car then he helped his beautiful wife into the passenger seat. He jammed his keys into the ignition. They didn’t fit. He kept trying to jam the keys in and start up the car. Then Peter took a deep breath and looked around. He was in the wrong car. He accidently loaded everything in his neighbors’ car. He was delirious.
Vanessa didn’t notice the mishap. She was blinded by the pain in her back and her face was too swollen to really see out of her eyes.
Peter reassessed the situation and quickly removed the luggage from the backseat of the car and put it in the correct vehicle.
He calmly got in the car and put the keys in the ignition and the car started right up. Peter let out a sigh of relief and slowly backed out of the driveway.
He smiled. He knew that he and Vanessa would surely get a kick out of this later. He even let out a chuckle. Before he knew it, his fears had subsided and he began to think more clearly.
He pulled up to Basketville General Hospital and parked the car. He looked over towards the passenger seat and it was empty. He forgot Vanessa. She was still panting heavily in their neighbors’ car. The windows of the neighbor’s car were all fogged up.
Peter slammed the car in reverse and quickly drove back to the house.
Twenty-eight minutes later.
Peter was wheeling Vanessa into Basketville General Hospital. She doesn’t seem too pleased.
Her hair is matted to her head and she is blinded by the pain.
They quickly make their way to the maternity ward and before she can even get out of the wheel chair, a baby ankle Sock plops onto the floor.
Vanessa farts and poops all over herself without even knowing it.
Peter bends over and picks the first ankle sock up. It cries. Hank Haines was born.
Vanessa poops some more and the second baby creeps out of her and whales loudly. Frank Haines opens his eyes and sees Vanessa. She smiles and picks him up and cuddles him close to her.
She farts again and poop covers the wheel chair. They don’t seem to care.
Their beautiful family life is just beginning.
Next: Chapter 2: Something Curious Happens when Frank drinks his bleach.
Frank the Angry Sock, Humor, Stories 
Reader Comments (10)
Sounds like a very interesting and funny concept. As long as this sock isn't your "clean-up" sock, I'm all for reading about it.
Actually Mary G, there is going to be a sock included in the story called Rig A. Mortis (Rig for Short) and he mysteriously disappears when porn music appears in the Basketville sky. He returns, even stiffer.
Sweet. Great writing. This might be your way to fame buddy
Well done waltdog! You were really clever w applying it to real life.
Dude that was awesome. I can't wait for Chapter 2.
I enjoyed reading that! It was really great! Looking forward to the sequel.
Hmmm, wifesense is wondering why basketville and delivering babies in basketville sounds too real?? LOL Good job babe!
Awesome! I love it. But where do the other socks go? If basketville is where they live, is there some other parallel town that the mates slip into?
"They usually keep their heads buried in their work, but they are a revengeful bunch. " Absolutely, if you turn your back on them they will unleash the worst case of athletes foot fungus you can imagine.
Well done Walt. I enjoy reading about socks. Maybe when Frank gets older he could go on a trip in the dryer and get lost for a few months.