Two Kids, a Cell Phone and Shittyfoot
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 at 9:52AM 
Hello? I'm stuck in a booth
Another glorious day in downtown Wilmington, Delaware, it is truly God’s country. I think the tag line is the first pointless state or something like that. They actually advertise that there is no tax on sales to bring people to this godforsaken state. (Just kidding, I love Delaware and its 4.2 acre circumference.)
I cannot believe that I just used circumference in a sentence, I seriously didn’t even know what it meant; it just sounded awesome. Hopefully I used it properly.
Okay, my oldest son is addicted to shiny electronic equipment; most notably the cell phone. This is common for all kids his age. He is a cell phone magician too. I have no idea how he does some of the stuff he does, but he does them. He is only twenty months old and can only say three words: Big Bird, Moo and Dada, yet he can do each of the following:
- My son can change the language on his Mother’s cell phone. Mommy and Daddy took a week figuring out how to get it to stop displaying in Spanish and back to English.
- My son can turn the ringer on my cell phone to vibrate and place the phone in the toilet. I do not know what material my cell phone is made of but I think it is the same stuff that protects the black boxes on airplanes.
About a month ago, I couldn’t find my phone. After about an hour of looking in the normal spots, I used my home phone to call it. I heard a mysteriously bubbling, vibration sound coming from our downstairs bathroom.
My phone was on vibrating mode and every time the phone rang, bubbles shot up from the toilet and the toilet vibrated slightly. That probably felt fantastic to sit on. Apparently the phone still works.
My son can turn the volume of Daddy’s phone off completely, so it doesn’t even vibrate then hide the phone from Daddy. I was without a cell phone for over a week, because it was jammed in between the couch cushions.
He did this through the menu set up and not the volume trigger on the side. I still cannot figure out how he did it. My phone did not make a noise for almost two straight months. I gave the phone to him the other day to play with. He furiously scanned through approximately 28 menus and, after tiring, he handed the phone back to me.
I was sitting in a meeting last week and he apparently downloaded a ring tone and set it up on the highest volume level possible. Everyone in the meeting room was wondering why my ring tone was Poker face by Lady Gaga. Apparently that is the highest selling ring tone and he got it for me.
Now I cannot get the volume on my phone back to normal, the ringer is so freaking loud. I may have to give it back to him tonight, in hopes that he ‘fixes” it.
My son is also addicted to calling my Mother-in-Law’s boss. He got hold of her phone and called the same person, not once, but twice on separate occasion. He obviously likes to hear this guy’s voice. I think he looks like one of the Wiggles or something.
Kids and their cell phones!
My youngest son is a little over two months now. I call him Shittyfoot. On two separate occasions he tried to give the Waltdog a Dirty Sanchez by wiping his foot in his poopy diaper and pressing it against my upper lip whilst I was changing him.
I caught him both times before he could pull this off, that crafty little bastard.
I wonder what you would call this maneuver: El Foot-o Ocho. That sounds about right.
holla back baby!
Reader Comments (9)
Wow - your kid is going to be a very smart man and wind up making a robot to kill you one day.
I think he has already begun. I found a laser beam in his crib the other day.
You need to put that kid to work! I know tons of people that don't know how to switch anything on their cellphones!
If you're kid's into cell phones this much now, you're screwed when he gets to be a teenager.
OMG you are such a space man!
So how cheap can you get. That baby deserves an IPod
Hi! Really great humor blog here. I love it!
OMG - I am cracking up!! So funny.....
Funny stuff...
it's time to start worrying when your son actually knows what he is doing...