How Do Pregnant Woman do it?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 7:14PM 
I want to preface this article by saying that this is not a piece to kiss up to my beautiful wife. I would actually prefer to annoy her, just to knock her off of her high horse every once in a while.
But I have to be honest; I don’t know how women do it. Women are a lot stronger than men. I think that much is obvious.
Guys could never be pregnant. We would all be locked up in the Looney bin.
My wife is a little over 8 months pregnant with our second kid. We have a 15 month old running around the house like a bull in a China shop and my wife flies around after him, while I catch up on some television and some much needed rest.
Wifesense is all belly at this point and she looks pretty uncomfortable, but she rarely complains (even when the baby rests on her Sciatic nerve. I don’t know what that is, but it doesn’t sound good.)
Well the Waltdog has been all belly for about the past 17 years now, and I have been complaining ever since I acquired one. My fat rolls constantly pinch together when I sit the wrong way, and I scream like a little school girl.
When I lay on my belly, the rest of my body doesn’t touch the bed, kind of like a turtle on its shell. I complain about that too.
Anyway that I lay, my organs are crushed by the fat, I complain about that.
When my halter top and tight jeans don’t fit anymore, I complain. You get the drift.
What do you mean my shirt doesn't fit me?
My wife has this baby inside of her, constantly moving around. Every once in a while you can see a foot, or a hand press through the skin. I think the baby gave me the finger the other day. Either that or he was lighting up a cigarette, I couldn’t tell. I did see him eating a slice of watermelon the other day. He seems to like it.
Watermelon is in season now.
I would be freaking out if I was her. My stomach rumbles around, constantly shifting after eating 6 McDonald’s cheeseburgers, signaling that it is time to evacuate the premises and get to a nearby little boys room. When that happens I get so scared that I almost begin to cry. I don’t know what is happening to my body, I just know something isn’t right.
When it is all over and I am about 6-7 pounds lighter and I have stopped sweating through my shirt. I let out a huge sigh of relief and think about what I am going to eat for dinner.
My wife has that shifting feeling, 24/7 and it isn’t like she can evacuate the root cause of the problem. She needs to let it bake a few more weeks, unlike letting 6 McDonald’s cheeseburgers bake for any longer than they have too.
If I was pregnant, I would just sit on the toilet all day long, not knowing what is going on with my body. I would be on toilet rest.
We would have to put an HD television and a telephone in our bathroom. Come to think of it, we may do that anyway. I am off to McDonalds.
Reader Comments (7)
That made Wifesense's day. Love you.
PS - Mark, the prego picture is awesome. Is that me on the beach last week? I think so.
Walt - Never a disappointment.
How did you get that pic of me? I swear it is me!
Very nice tribute. I've always believed that it men were the ones to get pregnant, our species would've died out centuries ago.
Hang in there, Wifesense!
I will get back, still hurling from the Jason the pretzel man layout......gotta go...
please remove the man preggo picture, i just threw up my taco.
That is the funniest picture I have ever seen in my life. You with that 40 and biker helmet and jersey made me piss my pants a little.
Keep up the great stuff, waltdog.
Great post!! Good man, Walt...Words every pregnant woman would love to hear, whether she's feeling bad about it or not. Congrats on your upcoming addition!