Top Five Father’s Day Gifts
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 1:06PM 
I know this is a day late and a dollar short (whatever that means, I love cheesy sayings like that. A bird in the hand makes for a happy man, etc.) But I was pretty excited that Wifesense wrote an article and I wanted to get that up on the site as fast as possible.
I wasn’t disappointed! The response to her article was outstanding and deservedly so. Now you people get to see what I do everyday, that my wife is hysterical and a great ball buster to boot. Her article cracked me up and I hope it did the same for you.
Wifesense will try and get an article up on the site monthly. I will stay on top of her, literally, until she does.
This is a belated shout-out to all the dads out there. Happy Fathers Day! I hope you all had as great a Fathers Day weekend as I did. I got exactly what I wanted from my babies’ momma and what I deserved for supporting my shorties; an awesome weekend.
There was a study done recently on what kids and significant others spend on Mother’s Day versus Fathers Day. It is pretty funny to note that the average spent on Mothers is $120 beans. The average on Dad's is $90. I was actually surprised that people spent that much on their Dads.
Over the years, I think my dad got 42 neckties, 87 cheap bottle of cologne, a $50 gift card somewhere he liked, or just a card from his 4 children, and he genuinely seemed delighted to get anything!
I feel the same way. I don’t really need anything, the gesture of seeing a wrapped gift is awesome.
I am not saying that Mom’s are needy or don’t deserve the attention on Mother’s Day. Mom’s do all of the hard work, dad’s just seem to be there in case of an emergency. Kids go to their mom’s for everything; when they are sick, when they need help for homework, or when they are in trouble with dad. Mom’s are always there for you.
Dads are great too! They are just a notch below moms is all I am trying to say. I think all men would agree.
Heck, we even know we have some serious work to do on Mother’s Day. What guys do on this day, reflects how their next year is going to go. Do a poor job on Mother’s Day and your year is going to suck. Do a decent job and you may get to go golfing a few times. If you do an awesome job? Your wife somehow feels bad that you did such a great job and you wind up with a few hall passes in your back pocket to use over the course of the next year.
Well Dads usually do end up with neckties, poor smelling colognes or socks and underwear. Stuff we would never buy ourselves. If wives were to put a gun to their husband’s heads and ask them what they wanted for Fathers Day, here are the top five things they would ask for:
5) A riding lawnmower
It doesn’t matter how small the lawn is, every guy eventually will want a riding mower. It isn’t to speed up the process it is to make it lazier. There is nothing like sitting down. I love it, every guy loves it and your seat vibrates constantly, making your pee-pee feel weird. Awesome! My next door neighbor recently got a riding mower. His yard is pretty big and it would take him around 8.2 hours to do his yard with a push mower, hence him cutting it only twice a summer. I saw him cutting it on his riding mower this past Friday night, and he had a huge cantaloupe smile from ear to ear. It looked like he got a used riding mower that went minus two miles an hour. I think he had to go in reverse to get it to go, no matter what, he loved it and that proves my point. All the riding mower needs is the vibrating seat and a cup holder that is it, everything else is a perk.
4) A subscription to the internet porn site of their choosing
Remember a gun is being held to the guys head. This is a scary request, because every wife out there will find out if their husbands have any fetishes that haven’t been revealed yet, so if this ever does happen, the guy should stay safe and request access to a normal porn site. This also means that the computer will get moved to the garage with the rest of the guys stuff smashed to smithereens, no explanation necessary. (Maybe this isn’t the best idea.)
3) A case of expensive imported beer
I am talking about a case of $100 dollars or more for the imported beer. Fathers Day is right in the heart of barbeque season and what guy doesn’t like to throw back a few cold ones while grilling? Miller Lite, Bud Lite and Coors Light usually fill up people refrigerators, but that is to give to their guests. Guys have to hide the good beer from their friends. They want it all for themselves. I used to get mad when I saw a houseguest drinking a Corona in my house. I wanted to throw-up! I was planning on drinking that particular Corona on Tuesday while grilling, those bastards! Well guys aren’t going to go too crazy buying expensive beer, they may splurge every once in a while, so opening up an expensive case of beer on Fathers Day will put a smile on any guys face.
2) Four Tickets to a sporting event
You can never, ever go wrong here. I don’t even have to say anymore.
1) Time alone on the couch
Guys just want to be left alone sometimes. I am not saying all day. But you may want to let the guy lay on the couch in his underwear from 9 until 2, that way he can get an unhealthy meal or two in him as well. He can lay there and watch the U.S. Open with no screaming kids around and no 20 questions from his spouse. Only the remote control, two boxes of Captain Crunch, twenty wings, two cheesesteaks, six bottle of Coke and no napkins in sight (he will use the throw pillows or the arm rest cover on the couch as a napkin.) He will eventually want to wrestle around with the kids and spend sometime with his wife, I promise, he just needs some time to unwind, it is the best gift you can give your dad/husband on Fathers Day.
It is that simple boys and girls! I hope everyone has a good Monday! The freaking weekends fly by, which blows ass.
Reader Comments (10)
Good to know about the male species that is...and yes please bring Wifesense back again.
Please send my wife your beer suggestion. You'd think it would be obvious but noooo!
You're dead on the money here, Walt. The sporting event tickets are a no-brainer.
Duuude... love your lawn mower ;-P Except for the no napkins, I thnk you're onto something with the leave you alone for a few hours on the couch thing. I think it's the way to go... very cost effective...
Again! You men are SO simple! :)
It's the thing that I love about you the most....and hate about you the most!!!
Men are a simple species, which drives chicks crazy. We are not complicated, as a matter of fact we try to avoid complications. They suck.
Men are simple because women have to figure us out. Could you imagine if men were complicated??? Women would be realy lost.
made me think of this hilarious video http://www.xhamster.com/movies/157069/99_words_for_boobs.html
Spread the word promote the attitude www.ManFort101.com he is all ready thinking this stuff let wear it .. then he can say it while he is sleeping
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