Depression
Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 1:25PM 
Depression: I use to think it people used it as an excuse. I thought it was made up and I never understood it.
How could someone be depressed? Especially during Christmas time. It is the best time of year. People always seem happy around Christmas time.
Well the past couple of years I have been suffering from alcohol-induced depression. I pretty much stopped drinking in March of 2009. I had a few occasion of scattered beer drinking in between now and then, but nothing to write home about.
At first I would only be depressed after a serious night of drinking. I mean the nights where I blacked out at noon and keep drinking anyway. 48 beers, 19 shots, 8 mixed drinks and plenty of streaking was the way to go.
I would wake up the next morning feeling emotionally deprived and somewhat depressed.
That feeling escalated as I got older. Now I only need to drink one drink and I wake up feeling as if the world is ending. It is a horrible feeling.
I went out last night and placed an order to go. It was going to be about 20 minutes until I received my soup, so I happily order a beer. It was a delicious freezing cold mug and a delicious import. Who could ask for more?
After finishing up my dinner, it was still light outside, so I went down to a used record shop and bought the new Mos Def CD. I came back to my hotel and downloaded it to my iPod and went down to the hotel bar and ordered another drink while listen to this great CD.
I had a total of 2 drinks on the night. I woke up this morning severally depressed. It is a terrible feeling. I still can’t shake it.
I feel like I let myself down, not only that, I feel like I let my family down. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. The worst part about the whole freaking thing is I know I didn’t do anything wrong, I know I have nothing to worry about and I still worry. It blows.
I am done. I can’t let my kids see me like this. It ain’t worth it.
I live a pretty charmed life too. My family is awesome. I am the youngest of four. My parents are happily married for like 82 years. My mom is the best mom in the world and my dad is the funniest person I know.
I’ll give you a run down.
My big sister always looked out for me. She essentially was like a second mom growing up. She is the best. I can’t even put into words how I feel about her. I am so proud of the women she turned in to.
My oldest brother Charles is an unbelievable person. The people that know him would wholeheartedly agree with my next comment. There isn’t one person on this earth nicer than him. I can’t guarantee anyone that there is a heaven. I believe in God and I think that there definitely is a heaven and a hell, but I can’t guarantee it. Well, my brother Charles is definitely going to heaven. He has been through hell already. God puts angels like him on earth to give us bad folks a glimpse of what heaven truly is like. He is an angel amongst men and women.
My older brother Dan is my best friend. He is someone that I can always count on no matter what. I can only say this one way, I look up to him. He is the only person I can say that about and I love him for it.
My group of friends is the best in the world. Two of them are the funniest people I have ever come across (besides my pop): Bunndini and Mike Marino. I can always count on them to make me laugh. They are insane.
The rest of my crew makes me laugh in different ways. EJ is awesome as he makes me laugh in a stupid way. Lama is the same: he says and does the stupidest stuff. Barry is nuts, Sean McCabe memorizes every joke ever told to him and I appreciate spending any time with him. He always makes me laugh.
Rossi is the quintessential laid back guy that chuckles at a joke 20 minutes later. I love hanging out with Rossi.
Then there is Nagle. What can I say about him? He is the craziest person I know. He and I have a lot in common. We have bunted heads before but nothing earth shattering. The one thing I can say about him is he is extremely loyal. He may be the best friend anyone can ask for.
I think about Bunn and Marino and I always forget to mention Danny A. He is hysterical and another person that is always there for anyone. (Bunn is the same way.) Danny A has been there for the funniest moments in my life and I couldn’t have shared them with a better person.
Jerry Hahn, he is really misunderstood. He is a riot. I love him. I love hanging out with him. There are only a handful of people that get his sense of humor and I am glad I am one of them.
Mark Gay. He is the man. That sums him up.
Robby O, unfortunately for him, I lean on him for everything. He has to hate me by now. He always knows how to cheer me up.
I have never hung out with Brian Sutcliffe without laughing out loud. He is up there in my book. He is my BFF.
Moose Mower has the biggest head in the world and the most freckles. He is awesome.
The old heads are awesome too. Jimmy Mann and Vinnie have turned out to be two unbelievable friends. It is amazing to me.
Minnick, what can I say about him. It is like looking into a mirror, only he is way more pale than me.
My wife’s friends are awesome as well. They have accepted me, flaws and all. I can’t thank them enough.
I can go on and on all day about my friends. They were the reason I dated my wife for 18 years before I got engaged. I couldn’t give them up.
Wifesense, man did the Waltdog ever marry up. She is good looking, funny, has the best smile in the world and she is the best mom to my son. I am so lucky. She is the only chick that has made me laugh more than once.
My son, he makes my day. He has his mother’s smile. It is contagious. He laughs at himself. He is going to be bad and I love it. I think he may have been the reason for my existence. I can honestly say this about him, I don’t love anyone more than him. That is saying a lot. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me a better person.
I married into a great family too. My brother-in-law is hysterical. He is an idiot. He actually reminds me of me. That isn’t good for him.
My mother-in-law may be the best woman I have ever come across. She is genuinely the nicest person I have ever met. If a man was to create the perfect mother-in-law, she would be it.
She cracks me up. Besides my mom and my sister, she is the woman I respect the most. That is good company for her to be. I lucked out.
I seem to have surrounded myself with great people.
To sum it up, I have the best family and group of friends in the world and the terrible part about it all? I still get depressed. This occurs only after drinking so I am through with it. I owe to all of these people to be myself from now on.
That feeling blows. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I know there are people out there that have it pretty bad and way worse than I have it. They don’t have it like I do. I have all of these people around me and being depressed makes me feel alone, and I know that I am not. These people will always be there for me.
Feeling alone doesn’t feel so good.
There are people out there that don’t have the support group that I have. They don’t have family and friends to lean on when they feel down. That makes me sad.
I am going to try and change that. If someone reading this needs someone to talk to, shoot me an email. I will gladly be that person. If my friends and family taught me anything, they taught me to be a better person. It is time I gave back. I have taken so much already. I can’t promise I can change anyone’s scenario, I am a pretty bad listener, but I will try.
This blog isn’t funny and I apologize for that, but you know what? It was the best article I have ever written. It felt so good to get this stuff off of my chest. I don’t feel like drinking anymore. I can’t. I don’t feel good afterwards and I am better than that.
Thanks for reading.
Reader Comments (19)
I am so proud of you. You are the most wonderful man in the world and know you are never alone. It takes a lot of courage to put you fears and troubles out there for everyone to know. We are all lucky to have YOU in our lives. Love, wifesense.
Thanks babe! It was the easiest article I have ever written. I know I left a few people off of this list and it wasn't intential. Every person that I hangout with is great in their own way. I am one lucky dude. Lootie, Rick, Moffa, Kevin Flanigan, Sean Flanigan, Joe Aylmer, Midge, all of my boys significant others and of course Danielle Wit. They are all awesome, I laugh just thinking about these clowns. It is a great feeling. That being said, I know that I am not the only one going through this, I can only hope this helps someone else. No one should be alone and I thank the heavens that I am not.
Hey Walter,
Your boy Bunndini here buddy. While I can understand alot of what you said because I have seen it happen. I will disagree with your ability to listen. You may think you dont give back but I knwo who I turn to everytime I struggle with something or someone. I go to Waltsense and his best friend and wife Wifesense. Glad you were able to get this off your chest. You know I am always here to listen of you need to talk which it looks like you could use. Thanks for the birthday shout out... Oh wait you didnt give one. Oh well... I will give you a buzz tomorrow and maybe we can get together this weekend. I love you buddy and know how much a lot of our friends do. You have a lot on your shoulders but if I tought you anything I hope i taught you that even if it is 5 mintues before you need help you can reach out to your friends. Thanks for always being there.
Bunndini
im glad you know that you have tons of support from your friends and familiy. but i also hope you realize that you are awesome!
thanks for sharing. everyone has their own issues (whatever they may be) and its good for people to know they are not alone.
when you, me, and our little buddy vince beat the system - it might be the greatest accomplishment ever, we'll try to do it with shmitters next time!
I am so proud of you and the man that you have become! Whenever I look at you I still see a little three-year-old boy in his green "soft-shirt" I have watched you grow into one of the most wonderful men I know and I am so proud to say I am your sister. I have never been happier than to see you marry such an amazing, beautiful woman. Thank you for that. And then there is babysense....hehehe he has your deviousness.....watch out...your life is going to be a wild and fantastic ride.
Great article Walt. That was very courageous of you to share your feeling like that. You are one of the few people I know that I can hang out with and know I will have a good time sober with and laugh my a$$ off. I just regret that we don't hang out more like we used to. We have to get together soon.
Walt, I am close to a few people who suffer from depression. Often depression goes untreated because people are afraid to talk about it. Being open about it is so important because when people understand that it can affect anyone and that they are not alone, they are more likely to seek treatment that it could save their lfe. I applaud you for writing this great post.
Hang in there, Walt. You're not the only one going through things like this. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey Walt - very compelling blog and it sounds like you are funny and blessed enough to party on with life. You'll be fine and great way to use your blog as an outlet.
Walter A -
Best blog by far, i'm glad you got that off your chest. your kids should be very proud knowing they have a dad like you. If you ever need anything you know where I am at. It takes alot of guts to write something like this and I am glad you did. Talk to you soon
Negs
Walt - I am sure this took a lot to share, so please know that I am very proud of you. You are a wonderful guy who has made my best friend happier then I could have ever imagined, you are an amazing father and you ALWAYS know how to make me laugh. After all, you are the one that taught me its ok to let my hair down, to not take everyone and everything so seriously and most of all, have fun at all times! You have been a great friend and hope you know I am always there for you!!!!
Mmmmm...The Prince loves him some Shmitters.
Glad you were able to get this off your chest. Hang in there, Wally.
Love ya, buddy!
The Prince
Son,
You make Pop and me so proud, Walt. You bring such love into our lives. It has been fun watching you grow from a tiny rambunctuous son into a strong and loving husband and father. And now you reach out to help others. It is so like you...the son that is such an important part of our lives. We loooove you so much. And now you have the joy of watching Hudson and his brother to be as they grow and delight you with their actions!
This was very raw and real and I thank you for sharing. Writing therapy.
i cannot thank everyone enough for reaching out to me, not only the overwhelmingly positive comments I got here, but the peeps that reached out to me personally as well. Damn, I really am lucky. I am starting to feel better already. I am going to head out tonight and see the Hangover, I think that will put me over the top too!
Thanks again to everybody! I got a special treat for Waltsense tomorrow. Wifesense wrote her first article. She handed it to me in purple crayon, so I have to type it up tonight. It should he a dousy!
Walt Doggy-
From your OH-10 fan club...
You are an amazing man with or without drinks, with or without depression. Trust me when I say that either, all or both can kick a person's ass. Know that we, the Oh-10 Chapter of Walt's the Best!!! are here to help in anyway. Professionally speaking and personally touched, what you wrote makes me proud to know and love you.I have found that integrity is often all a person has, at the end of the day, to rely on. This article shows your family, friends and readers the kind of man you truly are...honest, strong, kind, and genuine.
This is a great post, Walt. You are a good guy and you have a good heart. You are so lucky to have the family and friends that you have...and they are also lucky to have you... but they already know this. I suffer from depression too, but am not as lucky with being able to put a cause-and-effect lable on it as closely. Mine tends to be more closely related to circumstances in life that seem to have continue spiralling downward over the last few years, both with family and financially. So, I appreciate you sharing this, you are definitely not alone. Humor Bloggers is a good place for me to be...
Anyway, I wanted to say this before reading your other comments, so hope I'm not repeating stuff... ;)
Thanks for commenting on my blog. The reason I gave up drinking was the same as you. If you ever need someone to pull you off the ledge of "just one more can't hurt", let me know and I'll talk you down.