There is one occupation that I just don’t understand how someone comes about doing it: A bathroom attendant.

Seriously, how do you become a bathroom attendant? Do you work your way up to it? Do you first begin collecting cans, then move up to selling soft pretzels in the parking lot, then up to selling t-shirts, then scalping tickets?

You save all of your money and buy a shit load of cologne and breath mints and set off on your way to becoming the best damn bathroom attendant, this side of the Mississippi.

I can’t imagine hanging out in the john all night long, handing out towels for tips.

bathroom guys suck

What the hell am I supposed to tip you for again? I was able to go to the bathroom myself, zip my pants up on my own and wash my hands with ease. So you take all of the paper towels out of the dispenser and hand me one. That deserves a tip? The Waltdog doesn’t think so. Unless you are offering me some Drakkar Noir, then no thank you.

It has to be pretty demoralizing, don’t you think? Kind of like being a Mets fan.

I really hate the Mets. I didn’t realize how much I hated them until last night. Every time they got a hit I wanted to throw up all over myself. I don’t think I wish worse to happen to any team in any sport.

I am serious about this. I do not care if the Phillies win the division. I hope that they do, I just really hope that the Mets don’t. Does that make sense?

I hope the Mets take a lead into September again and choke it away. Either that or the Phillies just cruise away to the division title, which I think is going to happen.

I just wish the worst for the Mets.

I think the Mets are gay. This picture solves that mystery.

I love watching Johan Santana pitch and I think David Wright is pretty good, other than that, what is there to like? Jose Reyes? I don’t think so.

Why would you root for such a team? I commend their fans. They come out in droves and support that dump of a team, through thick and thin. They stunk for such a long time too (just like the Phillies) and they still got a pretty good fan presence at the ballpark.

I don’t like their fans, they talk a ton of smack, and they really have nothing to back it up. I am not saying the Phillies are the Yankees, but they are better than the Mets, that much is a fact.

Their fans are pretty passionate, I will give that too them. They travel pretty well too. When the Mets are in Philadelphia, there are just as many Mets down there. It makes me want to regurgitate the 14 hotdogs that I had eaten.

Their new ballpark looks awesome too. I cannot wait to head up there to check out a game. Hopefully I will get up there this year or next (I doubt it).

The Phillies have Cole Hamels on the mound tonight. They have to take two of three from these banged up clowns. I don’t want them to make it interesting.

I love the fact that Cole called them choke artists. He summed it up perfectly. I just wished he called them poopy heads too, because that is exactly what they are: Poopy heads.

I hate the Mets. Oh how I hate the Mets. They smell like fumunda laces jock straps and dingleberries.

That felt so good to write. I am a poet.