5 Great Summer Time Foods
Friday, May 29, 2009 at 2:09PM 
The Waltdog has been locked in his house for the past 72 hours. I have watched countless hours of Sportscenter, Seinfeld and the Office.
I have also been on a straight liquid diet. For the first 24 hours after my surgery I only had water. On day two I was able to move up to drinking Ensure and water. Ensure actually isn’t that bad, the chocolate drink actually tastes like a thick chocolate milk, so it is bearable.
As I am sucking my breakfast, lunch and dinner through a bendable straw, I watch television.
eating with straws is the worstThe commercials are killing me.
Every single commercial that comes on revolves around food. Most of the commercials are for food that I don’t eat, but when I see it, I really want it. I even watched Kung fu Panda and the way he gets trained to become a dragon master is they revolve his training around dumplings and cookies. My stomach rumbled through the whole freaking movie.
The last three days I have seen about 85 KFC grilled chicken commercials, even though I have only had KFC one time. KFC is awesome, but I wouldn’t go there to get the grilled chicken, I would only get the fried chicken. It was once called KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN! I am not going to KFC to be healthy.
I have seen 42 Olive Garden commercials, and it looks awesome. Even though I haven’t eaten there in 15 years, and I know I got the runs the last time I went there, I really want it now. The sausage stuffed pasta topped with Alfredo sauce looks out of this world.
I also have seen about 18 Applebee’s commercials and I have never been there but the two meals for 20 bucks is practically irresistible. I would eat both meals myself.
Let’s sum it up. I am freaking starving and I only want to eat really, really bad food.
These are the 5 foods that I am really craving and missing the most:
1) Grilled Hotdogs and Hamburgers
It is primetime barbeque season and my freaking jaw is wired shut. I love coming back from work and firing up the grille and hooking up some hotdogs and hamburgers. The hotdogs have to be black on the outside, and I cover them in ketchup, mustard and relish. It is perfect. The hamburgers have to have fresh tomatoes on it and I cover them in ketchup and mayo, it is a must. Damn I miss barbeque season already and I have another two months to go! I usually eat two hotdogs and a hamburger. The perfect mates!
2) Cheesesteaks
I am not talking about a crappy cheesesteak you get from Pat’s or Geno’s, those are so freaking commercial that they get on my nerves. I am talking about the neighborhood cheesesteak places people flock too to get a real cheesesteak. Give me a McNally’s Schmitter any day of the week. They are so freaking good that I can eat two at a time! Eve’s and Pudges (both in Norristown) are really good too. I get those with mushrooms, extra cheese and a little mayo. It is so bad for me that just thinking about it is giving me chest pains.
3) Hot Wings
This was actually my last meal before surgery. I went to the Boathouse in Conshohocken and got 20 hot wings and extra blue cheese. I crapped my pants for 24 straight hours, but it was worth it. Wings are the best!
4) Pizza
I love Pizza. The great thing about pizza is, even if it is bad, it is good. You will eat a few slices of ‘bad’ pizza, because it still beats the alternative. I like thin crusted pizza that is nice and crispy. If I had my choice of pizza right now, it would be a large, red-top pizza from Charles, or a large with onions from Alex’s. If I was down in Ocean City, I would eat two whole Mack and Manco’s, with no problem at all.
5) Brownies
They are my favorite dessert, bar none. I usually go into a restaurant and look at the dessert menu first, if I see a brownie sundae on the menu I know I am going to hook that shiznit up, so I cut out one of my four appetizers and I usually order a light dinner, like a big bowl of pasta or something, to save room. I will only eat four slices of bread too, instead of my normal eight slices, just to make absolutely certain I can fit the brownie sundae into my svelte stomach.
There you have it folks! I hope you all have a great, great weekend and pig out for me! As you fatasses are putting on your barbeque weight and struggling to get into your bikinis and bathing trunks, I will be shedding off weight this weekend. I plan on being below 286 pounds by Monday. Damn I am fat.
"OK, I'll explain this drinking straw thing to you one last time!"
Reader Comments (5)
These pretzels are making me thirsty
How do those little furry buggers taste? BBQ them might be tasty on a stick.
Very interesting the pizza not ony my list the beer hot wings well ?
Brownies are my absolute favorite dessert, too. In fact, I often make a meal out of them (usually breakfast)...And if perchance I see a brownie sundae on the menu and I am too full to scarf it down...no worries, I get it to go...in a thermal brownie bag...so the ice cream does not melt too much.
All of these are excellent selections. Once you're back in the game, so to speak, you'll have to spend a couple days making the rounds.