I was cruising into work this morning and I kept having this reoccurring question pop into my head: How good is pork roll? That is not a rhetorical question because pork roll is awesome.

I kept wondering why, subconsciously, the thought of pork roll kept creeping into my head. There had to be some logical explanation. My head forced itself to looked down at my light colored pants and I noticed a big slice of cheese and ketchup covered pork roll on my thigh. Yep, part of my breakfast sandwich had squirted out the other end and splattered on my pants.

I look awesome!

I watch a ton of television. I am addicted. There are certain, unwritten rules to watching television. Especially when watching a sporting event in a crowded living room. I guess you can call it television etiquette.

Here are my top 5 biggest complaints/pet peeves about watching television with other people:

5) Lost Remote

Loss of the Remote Control – This has been a frequent occurrence at the Waltdogs’ casa lately. My son is at the age where he is addicted to anything electronic: cell phones, remote controls, etc. I have gone through 2 cell phone batteries and I now have to get a new cell phone, from it getting soaked in regurgitated soy milk. Thanks Danger! When I speak on my cell phone, it sounds like I am in a wind tunnel. Well, he also has adapted the keen sense to hide the remote control. We have the cable boxes with no channel up or down key too! So we have been watching the cartoon network for 2 straight months now! Awesome! I once found it in his toy bin, another time in his diaper genie, that crafty little bastard.

4) Bad Channel Changers

When someone changes the channel during a commercial break and forgets to turn the original channel back on – This always seems to happen when a crucial play happened during an Eagles game. Someone gets the remote, a commercial comes on, so they turn on Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns and forget to turn back, 8 minutes go by and that person turns the game back on and the Eagles are celebrating on the side lines. I hate people.

3) Seat Stealers

Going to the bathroom calling fives on your seat, and getting back and someone is sitting in your chair – this can lead to blows. Especially when you wind up having to stand in the kitchen and look over 42 peoples shoulders to see the television. The person that took your seat can feel the daggers that you are shooting at them with your eyes and they refuse to look over at you. They know they are wrong, but they would never admit it. Then when the game is over they something like “Oh, wait, you were sitting here, weren’t you?” Well you didn’t miss much, the Eagles won.” I could tell the Eagles won because the 87 people in the living room were celebrating but I was too busy having to help in the kitchen now, because you stole my seat. Thanks!

2) Poor Planning

Someone (hint: wifesense) planning a dinner party during halftime of a 4 o’clock Eagles game – Don’t worry, you’ll catch most of the second half (or the replays on Sportscenter during the midnight broadcast). The entire meal you do not hear one word out of anyone’s mouth. You are consumed by what is possible happening at the game. You almost worry yourself sick. You play with your food and nod your head occasionally, then your significant other gives you the go ahead to turn the television on and you celebrate like an 8 year old on Christmas morning. You know what is funny about this? Every single guy around the table has been doing the same thing and the dinner party turns into an 8^th grade dance: guys in one room, girls on the other. Exactly what your wife was trying to avoid!

1) Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation – This show is terrible. A brief note to NBC: If you are going to keep it on the air, please move it Tuesday afternoon in the 4 o’clock slot. I beg you. This show occupies a crucial time slot, right before The Office and I have watched every episode without laughing one time. I keep thinking it is going to turn around and get better, but it hasn’t. Please put it out of its misery.

Have a good weekend boys and girls!