I have no idea why, but I slept with no jersey on last night. Now that is scary. I woke up this morning and gazed down towards my fat roll induced hairy chest and gut and I wanted to puke all over myself.
I think I have morning sickness, so I may be expecting. Either that or I am just disgusted by myself.
There is no better feeling than going to the movie and being scared out of your mind. They only thing that can take your mind off of crapping your pants is when you perform the popcorn bag trick on your significant other. “No, keep eating, there is a special butter covered treat for you, way down at the bottom of the bag!” Bingo!
Here are the 5 scariest characters in movies according to the Waltdog:
5) The Giant Tomato
I remember seeing the Attack of the Killer Tomatos. It was a cinema masterpiece. It was way before it’s time. It really scares me though. Walt loves ketchup. Walt puts it on everything. I put it on my shoes this morning. If the world was infused with killer tomatoes I would be among the first to succumb to getting rolled on by one of them.
4) Michael Myers
This dude has some serious, serious issues. He really needs to work them out. He is not the fastest guy, but he will eventually catch up to you. You will be so captivated by Mr. Myers that you will run over a rake, through a plate glass window and shoot yourself in the leg a few times. He has that charming capability, as you cripple yourself he is just strolling along and waiting around the corner for you. He may as well whistle as he walks.
My parents were smart enough to take me to see Jaws while it was in the movies. I think I was like 3 years old. It changed my life forever, and not in a good way. I was afraid to sit on the toilet, thinking that Jaws would come up through the water and swallow me whole. It took like 9 years for me to get over this. I still hate going on the Atlantic Ocean. You can only see like two feet in front of your face. Jaws is out there people and he eats license plates for breakfast.
Just look at her picture. Enough said. The first time I saw her on the big screen, I screamed like a little school girl and threw my popcorn everywhere, then I promptly pooped and pissed my pants while sneezing simultaneously. To sum it up, I was never that scared in my whole life.
The Exorcist changed my life. After seeing this movie for the first time, I slept in my parent’s bedroom from 1986 to 1991. It was traumatizing.