16 Most Annoying Celebrities Tournament
Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 8:18AM 
In the spirit of March Madness, 4 of my closets confidants and I have come up with a special tournament in which we each rank the 16 most annoying celebrities. It was a lot tougher than we thought it would be!
There are a ton of annoying people out there. How they keep getting paid is anyone’s guess.
To partake in this historic event I requested the presence of my beautiful and easily annoyed wife, we will call her wifesense. I also enlisted my boys Mark, Bunndini and Kevin.
We each setup our own 16 person bracket and crowned an annoying champion for 2009. I will give a little rundown and personal perspective on my bracket, Kevin’s bracket, wifesense’s bracket and Mark’s bracket.
Bunndini put a ton of time and effort into explaining his, so I will let him so cleverly explain his tournament bracket in his own words (edited of course. He has a potty mouth).
Without further adieu:
First up is the Waltdog’s bracket.
Instead of naming the regions by North, South, West and East, I went with people who would have won this distinct honor in the past but who are no longer relevant in 2009. (Thank God!)
My final four are Rosie, Dane Cook, Tyra Banks and the ladies from the view. I put those 4 trolls from the View together. I can’t stand any of them. It was difficult. I really hate Spencer Pratt and Brody Jenner. These two guys are the guy equivalent of Paris Hilton. They are famous for doing absolutely nothing.
Winner - Dane CookIn the end I had to go with Dane Cook. I have no idea how people find him funny. I just don’t get it.
I have a feeling if things keep up, my 2010 champion may be Miley Cyrus (or my wife).
Surprise: No real significant upsets here. I am surprised at myself for thinking Dane Cook is worse than Rosie O’Donnell. Kudos Dane, it is almost impossible to annoy someone that much, but you managed to somehow pull it off! Keep it up douche bag!
Shocker: I was disappointed with the Rivers’ clan turnout. I thought that had some moxie to pull off an upset or two. Unfortunately I couldn’t bare thinking about their grossness any more than one round.
Next up is Kevin’s Bracket.
winner - Howie MandelInstead of naming the regions by North, South, West and East, Kevin went with categories, that clever little bastard. His four categories are I am so hot, they ruin TV for everyone, think they are a rock star – think again and I don’t care about your opinion/view. Very good!
Kevin’s final four are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, Miley Cyrus, Tyra Banks and Howie Mandel. I was hoping for an all The Hills clash in the finals, but Kevin really hates Howie Mandel. He thinks that Howie has the biggest ego in Hollywood. That is hard to argue with.
Surprises: That Kathy Lee Gifford made his list. I learn more about my friends everyday!
Shocker: Howie Mandel winning as a three seed. I know Kevin and he really despises Andy Dick so that is a really big upset, probably the biggest upset of 2009.
Next up is the Mark’s bracket.
Instead of naming the regions by North, South, West and East, Mark was lazy and didn’t make any changes to the bracket names. He went with the people who I assumed would have won this distinct honor in the past but who are no longer relevant in 2009 (thank God!)
winner - Rosie O'DonnellMark’s final four are Rosie, Jimmy Fallon, Tyra Banks and Dr. Phil. It was difficult choice for Mark but Rosie squeaked one out (like a quiffe in the wind) over Dr. Phil in the finals.
Mark and I have a lot in common, we are both fat, dorky and our hatred of everything Rosie is unparallel in this universe.
Congrats Rosie, you are Mark’s 2009 most annoying celebrity!
Surprise: Jimmy Fallon reaching the final four as a four seed. The equivalent of that would be Sienna winning the whole NCAA Tournament. It was a good run Jimmy. Keep your head up! You have plenty of time to rebound and win the whole thing next year! Mark really hates you and you seem to get more annoying by the minute. Thank God they gave you your own talk show!
Shocker: That Bozo the Clown didn’t make it into Mark’s top 16. Mark has a unique phobia about clowns. Every since the clown in Poltergeist terrorized that little boy, Mark has pooped his pants every time he is around clowns. Maybe next year!
Next up is the Wifesense bracket.
Instead of naming the regions by North, South, West and East, my wife renamed the brackets any press is good press, really? Enough already, this isn’t that interesting, they think they are a rock star, please think again and I don’t care about your opinion.
winner - Sarah PalinMy wife’s final four are Lindsey Lohan, Paula Abdul, Brangelina and Sarah Palin. And who said women aren’t caddie? All four finalists are women (sort of). My wife really hates politics and she really thought that Sarah Palin set the women’s movement back by 100 years. Ladies and Gentleman, the future of the Republican Party!
(My wife did want me to make a comment about Brangelina Aniston – she likes each of them separately, but collective their story has become tiresome to her.)
Congrats to Sarah Palin! You managed to piss my wife off so much so that you are her 2009 most annoying celebrity!
Surprise: That Denise Richards couldn’t hold on to beat Lindsay Lohan. I know my wife wants to throw up every time Denise is on the television and I had no idea how much she is annoyed by Lindsay Lohan. (Note to Lindsay – keep it up and I may just make room for you on my laminated top 5 hot chicks. That would drive the wife crazy!)
Shocker: That 3 of the 4 finalist were 4 seeds. That is unprecedented. There are tons of upsets in this bracket and tons of movers and shakers. My wife really put a lot of thought into this. I am impressed!
Last but not least – Bunndini’s bracket.
I am going to let everyone get a glimpse into the solitary mind of a madman. These are his actual words (edited). This is what I have to put up with everyday of my life. It is awesome! He really, really put a lot of hard work and effort into this. He really hates people.
First Round Gilbert Bracket:
Fallon versus Cook
round winner - Dane CookWhile neither of the two gentlemen is funny, Jimmy Fallon was at least in the cowbell skit on SNL and gets a pass while Dane Cook has been disappointingand infuriatinghis audience with his Dorkgasm tour for years.
Ryan Seacrest versus Jack Black
Ryan Seacrest gets a pass here because he is so short. While Ryan is a TV host whore, he is pretty bearable to watch. (It could be worsehe could still be teamed withBrian Dunklemen.) Jack Black is not funny and yet he labeled a comedian. Why do we allow this? We don’t allow our professional athletes to be non-athletic. Good point Bunndini!
SecondRound Gilbert Bracket:
Black versus Cook
While both of these ‘comedians’ are unable to make their own mothers laugh, I have to give this bracket to Dane Cook. Jack Black did act as if he was kicking a dog off a bridge in Anchorman. Boregasm is at the climax of this bracket.
First Round Courtney Love Bracket:
Rosie O'Donnell versus Alex Rodriquez
Rosie has been annoying people for years. Her ability to never try and take care of herself only adds to people’s annoyance levels with her. ARod does not move on simply because he is only annoying by name. (We can blame thefreaking media for his name being batted down our throats.)
round winner - Donald TrumpRachel Ray versus Donald Trump
Rachel Ray does annoy a ton of people from time to time. I have her rated a little less annoying then Donald Trump, mostly because she is a fantastic cook and I love to eat. Trump is just a money hungry jerk that could careless about anyone but himself. He would sell his mom to add a few more strands of red hair to his head. His tag line is more annoying than anything he does.
Second Round Courtney Love Bracket:
Donald versus Rosie
While this feud is no longer big time news I believe it is a great match up. While we know how smug the Donald can be, we all know that Rosie is not human. She may eat you at any given moment. Her physical appearance is worse then starring at the Sri Lankan Tree frog. Rosie has the potential to annoy people that do not even speak English. I tip my masculine cup to you Rosie!
ThirdRound Gilbert Gottfried/Courtney LoveBracket: (Semifinals)
Dane Cook versus Rosie O’Donnell
Dane Cook is strong contender to win this entire pool outright but he is up against one of the most annoying creatures to walk the face of the earth.
Dane is about to launch a barrage of annoyance on John Q public soon as he starts his iSolated Incident and Thermo Global Comedy Tour, yet he is no match for this freak of nature.
round winner - RosieRosie wins this bracket due, in largepart but not limited to, the following events: She has singled handily caused the war in Iraq, global warming, the lion attack of Roy from Siegfried and Roy, the cancellation of Dawson’sCreek.
Rosie advances to the final.
I assure you that Dane Cook will be the number one overall seed next year! (It is rumored that he is really Ashton Kutcher in disguise.)
FirstRound Fran Drescher Bracket:
Paula Abdul versus Amy Winehouse
Paula was a strong favorite going into this head-to-head match up and she did not disappoint me. While she sips vodka on American Idol from her gigantic cup and makes a fool of herself she is capable of annoying millions of people each week. Amy Winehouse made it to this tournament because crack heads should not be allowed to be so successful. So I say grab another needle Amyand help out with population control! (I don’t think you will be here next year to make the brackets.)
Tyra Banks versus The Rivers
round winner - Joan and Melissa riversIt is obvious that most women are crazy but Tyra is the poster child for insanity. The plastic moldings that are collectively known as the Rivers put up a good fight against Tyra. I would like to see a red carpet that leads to hell and have the Rivers returned back home where they belong.
Tyra you have 3 cable TV shows and are a regular on all the shows that poke fun at these shows. It is believed, like Rosie O'Donnell, that you have no soul and possibly eat your young. The difference between you and Rosie is you have the ability to look fantastic which only enables network executives to keep trotting you out.
FirstRound Nancy Grace Bracket:
The View versus Tom Cruise
In my eyes Tom Cruise was seeded much too low. (I guess he made some good movies before he started to annoy the world.) The cackling chicken heads of The View remind me of four old women talking during a bingo game. They persistently force their horrible opinions onto us and act like 5 year olds when confronted. They annoy me to no end, but Mr. Cruise and his constant religious antics make him a leading man for this role.
round winner - Sarah PalinDr. Phil versus Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin you came out of obscurity and we all fell in love with you! You brought hope to a struggling campaign then you exploited your family and were in our face so much that we had to add you to this list.
The good news Sarah is you’re no match for Dr. Know it All. He acts like he is trying to help all of these fallen celebrities and octo-celebrities but he is really just preying on the vulnerable Hollywood trash. He is a true scumbag and his annoyingness level has no commercial breaks.
Second Round Nancy Grace Bracket:
Dr. Phil versus Tom Cruise
Well Doctor Phil, you put up a good fight but the Days of Thunder just roared past you. While you still know everything about nothing, you did not know how to annoy us more then TC.
This truly was a mission impossible for you. Maybe if you were willing to jump up and down on your couch and legally hold a hot, young woman captive and convince her that she loves you then you would have had a chance. Doctor Phil I will see you in hell!
ThirdRound Dresher/Grace Bracket: (Semifinal)
Cruise versus Rivers
Mr. Cruise comes sliding out in his socks and takes out both of the Rivers. His sneak attack seems to be too much for Satin’s little helpers. They put their plastic faces back on the wrong way and Tom finishes them off by releasing all their Botox out of their bodies. They would be too weak to continue so the Ladies of the red carpet got burnt up like Pony Boy.
The Finals
Cruise vs RosieCruise versus O’Donnell
Rosie grabs Tom right out of the gate and her fangs are furious. At first she seems to be too much for the little guy as she puts him onto a sandwich and threatens to finish him off.
Tom is too slick for her and slithers out of her fat mitts.
Winner - Tom CruiseTom knows his only weapon is to annoy us to save the world from Rosie! He quickly shoves his religion down Rosie's throat, one more time, and then throws a bucket of makeup onto her face.
(We all know that Rosie’s kind would be unable to withstand the forces of makeup, so she perishes.)
We have crowned our first annual annoying celebrity of the year award. So I salute youCaptain Crazy! Please Tom Cruise, continue to annoy the world, for you are truly amaster at your trade.
These are my friends, folks!
P.S. – Bunndini picked out Tom Cruise’s picture because he thought it was hot.
P.S.S. – I just wrote a post script on a blog, awesome!
Reader Comments (9)
Dini is a genius
Bunndelicious is freaking awesome. I almost wet myself reading his part of the article. He will be making a ton of guest visits.
This is great!!
Bunndini def wins the award for dedication...I give him a "10"..
I loved it Bunndini I thought it was extremly funny although I don't completely agree with your choices I will give you an A for trying!!
I am quite surprised that Randy Jackson did not make someone's top honors along with Ty Pentington, anyone past, present or future on "Dancing with the Stars", Steven "Cojo" Cojicara, and my all time want to kick the bitch in the baby maker...Celine Dion. Some maybe a little dated but hated none the less. Love you Walt Dog!!!!!!!
That is actually pretty tame for a bunndini rant!
I was unaware that Rosie was responsible for the attack of Roy. Once again, your blog is not only entertaining but informative and educational. Thank you.
This is why Bunn gets no work done.