Man Wrestles Kangaroo from Home

This is no joke. You know the world is coming to an end when you wake up and a kangaroo is in your kitchen eating cereal. I think that is actually one of the seven signs written about in the bible.

I know I just wrote about this recently but this story really happened. Maybe I have some special powers and what I write about actually comes true. Some poor family out there may just wake up and get mauled to death by a Rosie O’Donnell. I pray that doesn’t happen.

Listen to this story –

An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.

Beat Ettlin, was in bed with his wife, Verity Beman, when the kangaroo came through the glass.

After bounding around the house, Mr. Ettlin managed to grapple the bleeding marsupial to the floor, get it in a headlock and push it out of the front door.

WHAT? That is insane. This guy got the freaking kangaroo in a head lock! That is awesome.

The kangaroo was probably drunk.

It got me thinking about what would scare me the most to wake up too. As usual I came up with a list of 5 things that would scare the hell out of me if I woke up to them.

Just to be original (and to see if my special powers do work) I left a kangaroo off of this list.

5) A Cockroach crawling on my face – The simple thought actually has all of my neck hairs standing straight up. Any bug really grosses me out but the cockroach is the grossest of them all. I don’t even want to write anything more on the subject. I may pass out.

About a year and a half ago I was driving my GMC Jimmy (with no 4 wheel drive and only two doors. Good purchase honey!) I was cruising on Johnson Highway when something caught my attention.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a spider spinning a web from the ceiling of my car and was creeping down towards my shoulder. It was huge and it was the color of a yellow/gold booger. It was gross. I almost slammed my car into a telephone poll attempting to pull my car to side of the road. I quickly got out of the car and screamed like a little school girl. I hate bugs.

4) My Brother-in-law moving in – Oops this already happened. Ha ha, just kidding.

3) OJ Simpson standing over top of me – He would be really scary if he were standing over top of me squeezing his hands into a tight pair of black, leather gloves. This is the reason we only have plastic utensils and scissors in our house.

2) Waking up and having adult braces – Umm, this has already happened to me as well. Actually adult braces are the new fad. Pretty soon everyone over 30 will be wearing them. I am a trend setter. Get ready America, Walt is going to bring back braces, fat rolls, crooked noses and hairy, wax filled ears!

1) Rolling over in bed and seeing Donald Trumps’ hair – His hair has been known to eat men alive. I heard he actually has to feed his hair a steady diet of powdered donuts and maple syrup just to keep it from eating him.

On a serious note: male pattern baldness is a very serious issue. There appears to be an outbreak of this disease within my close circle of friends. A few of them have been stricken with it and they have not been the same. The disease is usually accompanied by extremely hairy arms and backs. (Seriously, did you ever notice that? Bald guys usually have really hairy arms. That is crazy.)

Maybe instead of doing the comb over, you can just walk around with your arms on your head. People are less likely to notice that, than the pathetic comb-over or hair hat you purchased.