WaltSense.com - Journal - The Art of Air Guitar Playing

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Dec112009

The Art of Air Guitar Playing

Friday, December 11, 2009 at 10:35AM

I have touched on my many talents before but I will give you a quick rundown. I am ranked in the top 5 (USA Today) in the following games/talents: Connect Four, Uno, Streaking, Electric Bull Riding and Air Guitar Playing.

It is the pentagonal crown achievement in nothingness but I am proud nonetheless. I am huge in the Ukraine though, not sure why but they love me.

I am about to divulge my deepest secret into my Air Guitar playing success. I contemplated not writing this information, I wanted to sell it, but it turns out there is not a huge market for Air Guitars out there.

This information is still too valuable to keep to myself.

I have been playing Air Guitar since the early 1980’s and I honed my skills mainly during class room time or work time. It is the best time to really hone any skill that you are striving to achieve. Who wants to learn or work?

Well here are my five top points to achieve superstar status in Air Guitar playing:

5) No matter how tempting; do not join an air band. You will only look silly in the end. Air Guitar is best left as a solo act. Plus air drummers are complete retards. They don’t take this shit seriously. They tend to be womanizers and media hounds. Avoid them at all cost. Air bass players are pussies who tend to wear fake leather chaps and make up. This has been my experience anyway.

4) Switch up the way you play. I cannot stress this enough. I see this as the most common occurrence when it comes to the Air Guitar; people only have one repertoire and they use that each and every time. You need to incorporate the behind the head Air Guitar, the sliding on the knees and the one legged strut to really place you self in the elite group.

3) Lip biting – This is crucial; when you are waiting your turn (during a drum solo or whatnot) you need to properly bob your head and bite your bottom lip.

Then when it is your turn to shine BOOM! Start ripping it out!

2) Proper riffing/strumming of your guitar – You need to move both hand FURIOUSLY; The one hand strumming the cords, the other sliding up and down the guitar arm. (Note: I don’t even know how to play the real guitar, so I don’t know the proper terms for the guitar parts).

As you are tearing it up, you need to stare at your manic hands and WIDEN you eyes. You need to seem surprised at your abilities as well as your audience, as if you are possessed by some angry Air Guitar Demons or something.

This will get people talking, which lead too:

1) The Proper Face Grimacing Act – This is the most vital of all Air Guitar methods. You need to know when to grimace your face. When the guitar solo is in full force, your nose should be so scrunched up that it is protruding into your forehead and your upper lip should be raised exposing only your canine teeth.

Then when the songs slows down, you release yourself from your venom and relax your face muscles, then when it starts to pick back up, lick your lips and repeat the furious face grimace.

Not too many people can pull this off, so good luck!

PS – The guy in the first picture looks just like my boy Dave Cup.

HighKlass Haley |

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Reader Comments (11)

I've known you for 20 years and I've never seen an air guitar move out of you (that i can remember). But I do believe your dorky enough to be very good at it. So, the next time we are out, maybe the Eagles game., I would love to see a little air rock. If know one ever see's you do Air Guitar, then do you really do it?

December 11, 2009 |

My friend Kurtsy Lee Roth strums a mean invisible six string.

December 11, 2009 |

Bunndini

Stunning... very great subject. I will blog about it likewise.

December 11, 2009 |

Buldentoreree

TO KD,

I only perform for my real friends. Sorry.

December 11, 2009 |

Walt

It is nice to see someone shedding light on a very serious talent. I, unfortunately never could get the whole air guitar thing down, so I picked up the air tambourine instead. You should see me, I can shake it like no ones business.

December 12, 2009 |

thinkinfyou

I'm busy working on my act for the Davenport, Iowa Air Tuba Championships.

December 12, 2009 |

Knucklehead!

G-Man has air guitar down pretty well. He learned during grade school; practiced every day from 9:15 AM - 2:55 PM - non stop. How do I know this - I got a call from school nearly every day...make him stop. NO - You make him stop. He does not practice at home....

December 12, 2009 |

phillipia

Great post, Walt! As an air-guitar wannabe, I've suffered from a lack of creativity and know-how. But now I feel confidant that I can improve my game when it comes to air guitar. You are wise, Sensai.

December 15, 2009 |

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