I Hate the F*cking Cowboys
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 at 11:00AM 
Boy, the Eagles really pooped the bed Sunday night, eh? It was a beautiful sunny day down at the tailgate, people were in a good mood, drinking it up and being merry. We couldn’t ask for more.
Then the game started and it all went downhill from there.
The Eagles offense stunk the joint up. On any other week, I normally would care, but not care as much, but this was Cowboy’s week. I really freaking hate the Cowboys with their stupid little stars on their helmets. Eeeew, look at me I got silver helmet and tight pants? I play for the Cowboys. Freaking pussies.
This game was like a triple whammy too.
1) Not only did the Eagles stink the joint up against the Cowboys, it was a Sunday night NFL primetime game (so everyone saw how terrible McNabb looked) and
2) there were about 78 commercial timeouts, 18 replay challenges, at one point I think the officiating crew called their own timeout and set up a burrito bar and made their own burritos.
The third quarter along took about 1 hour and 16 minutes to complete. By the time the Eagles were done shitting the bed, it was well past midnight. Perfect! This is the first time in 15 years that I actually had to work the day after an Eagles game.
3) The game was actually close, so we couldn’t leave early, then the Eagles miraculously ran out of timeouts with 4 minutes to go in the game and couldn’t stop the Cowboys from getting a first down, so all 68,000 people left at once, which is a traffic nightmare. This only confirms how much I really hate people.
I somehow made it home before two in the morning and promptly went to bed. I woke up late and realized that Wifesense is away this week, so I have the kids solo.
I quickly get ready and get the kids in the car. I get to the daycare and I somehow misplaced Wifesense keys over the weekend, even though I drive her car once a year.
I left my cell phone at the client on Friday, so she couldn’t get a hold of me, so she called the day care. I walk in the door with my oldest son in one arm, my other son in a baby seat in the other, while carrying a shoulder bag full of lunches, snacks, bottles, crib sheets and blankets, sleeping bags, and a bag full of diapers and baby wipes. I get in the door and the Day Care lady stops me in the front door telling me my wife is on the phone.
I have to put everything down to talk to her and both kids start crying. It is only 7:45AM and this is how my day is shaping up already.
I get out to my car and guess what? I am out of gas. Awesome!
I had a meeting at 9AM this morning and I got here at 9:30. What a great fucking Monday.
I definitely had toothpaste encrusted on the sides of my mouth and that much is guaranteed. (I think I promised someone in the meeting that I would repave their driveway, and I vaguely remember having a conversation about how before I started working here I was an auto mechanic and how I can change a gasket in under 23 seconds. I cannot even get the hood of my car open, let alone point out what a gasket looks like (do you even change a gasket? I hate getting dirty.)
My day started out bad and is only getting worse. I had to go poop as soon as I got here and I had to head right to the meeting. I had to pinch my cheeks for about an hour, which is exhausting.
I got to the bathroom, my eyes had turned brown and I couldn’t get the Goddamn toilet paper seat cover out of the dispenser. Why do they make those so thin? I ripped about 14 out and each one ripped in half. I finally got one out whole and I put it on the seat; and it fell into the toilet. UGGH!
I just wrapped that sucker up in toilet paper and dropped the kids off at the pool while playing Q-bert on my cell phone.
I got done about a half hour later, and realized I had a phone call at 10:30 with my boss. Oops, I missed that too.
The Phillies just lost in the World Series to a team (the Yankees) that I hate with a passion as well. You know what? I feel a thousand times worse about the Eagles losing. I don’t know why, but I do.
When the Eagles lose to the Cowboys, I cannot listen to sports talk radio, or read the newspaper, or enjoyable surf the internet without being constantly reminded of the stink bomb. That is 97.4% of how I spend my work day, so my whole work week is officially ruined!
Thanks Eagles for missing the point on 3rd and 4th and less than a yard. Nah, we’ll pitch the ball out to Shady McCoy and run off tackle, instead of rushing Leonard Weaver up the middle. Weaver has been our only sure thing running all day, so we’ll just ignore him. He is only capable of getting us four yards a carry and we only need one.
Heck, McCoy is only 35 pounds lighter than Weaver. UGGGGGH!!!
What a day. Man do I hate the fucking Cowboys.
Reader Comments (8)
i hate the Cowboys because of the all the bandwagon fans who never been to Dallas. also because of Jerry Jones. Also because I am jealous of thier history.
I hate the cowboys because I'm a Giants fan. So yeah, I f*cking hate the Eagles, too :P I thought I could at least deal with them when they took on McNabb; after all, he was my quarterback in college (I'm from the Syracuse area). But yeah, no. I laughed a lot during his first SuperBowl appearance back in 2004. At least he's entertaining. Call it the flu if you want, I call it the "I put an Eagles jersey on and suddenly suck ass." But once they took on Vick this year I said I was done-- I won't even watch them when they play my Giants. I'm weird like that. To some, I have a lot of odd rules-- like when we lived in Germany I was faced with large amounts of Massholes for the first time. Red Sox hats were checked at my front door or you weren't allowed in my house... not even on poker night. I'm a diehard Yankee fan... but that's nothing when it comes to football.
I used to love the Cowboys back when Tom Landry was coaching. I didn't miss a game in my college days. I watched Sunday night's game. I thought the Cowboys looked awful but you are right, the Eagles pooped on themselves and let the Cowboys take it.
I hope your week improves.
I hate the Cowboys, too. They're always wanting to ride me brokeback, whatever that means. I say they play ball their way, and let me play mine my way, and leave it at that.
I thought I was just imagining the turtle-esque pace of that game. And people say baseball is slow.
OMG - i can't stop laughing!!! Walt - listening to your crazy morning, just made me feel a hell of a lot better about my own sucky day! Thanks HighKlass!!
You guys want to get some cowboy fans angry? In Shreveport, LA they vote on wether to show the Saints or the Cowboys games. all you have to do is go to www.kmsstv.com and put in your email address and a password and vote for the Saints. I would love to ruin the Cowboy fans Sunday afternoon!
I love the COWBOYS! I just started reading your blog and was enjoying it until I came upon this post! I've been a Cowboys fan since birth. I was raised in East Texas and and now live in Northwest Louisiana - I hope the Saints Lose this weekend.... Sorry you hate the Cowboys, but dang, I love them with all my heart :)