This list is solely mine.  I remember about ten years ago, I was at a work retreat with my old company.  One of the exercises we did was the group leader asked the question: “If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead who would it be?”

The company I worked for was small, roughly around 30-35 people.  Everyone had to write down the name of one person who we would want to have dinner with on a small piece of paper. 

What we didn’t know was, we had to pass the piece of paper to the left and that person had to represent the reasons why going to dinner with this person would be so extraordinary. 

The person sitting to your left got to ask you three questions about the reasoning for who you wrote down.  It was an exercise about getting to know each of us; one of those stupid team building exercises that never, ever work. 

People wrote down the obvious: Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Elvis, Bill Clinton (who was the current President at the time) and Gandhi, etc. 

Sitting to my left was the Partner of my company.  You know who I wrote down?  Snoop Doggy Dog.  I couldn’t have been prouder. 

Just having her say the words “Snoop-Doggy-Dog” was priceless, let alone having her explain why I would want to have dinner with him.  (That answer is obvious; the pre and post curricular activities would be out of this world.  I would probably be too stoned to eat anything, but it would be worth it.) 

I was the only one who answered honestly.  People were giving the answers that they thought EVERYONE would want to hear, particularly the Partner. 

It was actually a tough ass choice too; it was between Snoop-Doggy-Dog and Hugh Hefner.  (I think the reason for Hugh is obvious enough; I would finally get to wear a smoking jacket and slippers to dinner and that is more than enough of a reason to do it.)

Well, as usually that got the Waltdog to thinking, who really is my inspiration?  What do I live for?  Why do my pants hurt? 

Without further adieu:

5) The Sports Guy

I love sports, and I love pop culture and I love all things funny.  The Sports Guy happens to combine all of them in his articles.  Even though he stopped writing about four years ago, I still try and read him.  He is a riot.  He has a 700 page book coming out this week that I am pretty pumped up to go and get.  I will read that thing on the hopper until my legs go numb and I form blood clots in my thigh.  Hemorrhoids here I come!  That should actually be his marketing campaign:  The quickest way to Hemorrhoids!  Here is an interesting interview with the Sport Guy (aka Bill Simmons) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-pinter/interview-with-bill-simmo_b_326515.html . 

The Waltdog, for some unknown reason, has been getting worried about offending people with his blog.  I don’t know why, but I have.  I have been pretty tame to date, in an attempt to please everyone.  I read this interview, and it made me realize something – I have to write like me, for me.  It also made me realize something else – Why was I worried about what other people think?  I freaking hate people.  People are the worst!  So I will write freely and not give a poop what other people think of me.  Done and done!  Thanks Sports Guy!  I am sure that is probably not what your intentions were, but that is what I got out of it. 

4) Larry David

The true brains and brilliance behind the best television show of my lifetime – Seinfeld.  Curb Your Enthusiasm is a great, great show as well, and only getting better.  Mr. David is a guy who gets himself into the craziest situations, and shares them with everyone.  You got to love someone who is not afraid to make fun of themselves and their situations.  It is what makes the best comics the best. 

3) Richard Pryor

Best stand up comedian of all time, hands down.  He also was unbelievable on the big screen.  His chemistry with Gene Wilder was amazing.  He also seemed like a good ass time to hang out with it. 

2) Ralph Wiggum

I don’t even have to write anything here, the best cartoon character of all time.

1) Mel Brooks

His movies are classic and he is absolutely hysterical.  I would love to meet this guy, just to pick his brain.  This is the guy that brought us the following:  Blazing Saddles (the first DVD I ever bought), Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs, The Producers, History of the World – Part 1, The Twelve Chairs (a very, very underrated movie), Life Stinks and High Anxiety, just to name a few.  This guy is awesome and to the Waltdog, the most creative comic genius I would ever go to dinner with.